Does anyone have any funny jokes?!
Question: the funnier the better! :P
Answers: the funnier the better! :P
Why did the super model stare at the carton of orange?
it said `concentrate` on the box.
(not funny i know) *my ex is Anna S*
Not really a joke but more of a joke/riddle....
If you say gullible really slowly, it will rhyme with orange.
What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
Cliff.
What do you call a man with a spade stuck in his head?
Doug.
Well anna,in my country indonesia. Funny jokes if you slip inthe street or sleep in publik place,off course thats not "normal",but my country full wit funny people..Just smile and you will fell enjoying the life...
Little old lady answers the door to a vacuum salesman.
"F**K off" she says. Before she could shut the door he chucks a bucket load of horse manure on her hallway carpet and says proudly, "madam, if this vacuum cleaner doesn't remove all traces of this manure i shall eat the reaminder."
"Well," says the lady smugly, "hope your bloody hungry because the electric was cut off this morning!"
Sorry if this offends but ......
Was depressed last night so i rang the samaritans. Got put through to a call centre in the Middle East. I told them i was feeling suicidal, they got really excited and asked if i could fly a plane.....
some inventor makes new pill's (madecine)and marketing as
"if any body takes this pill ,then they never gone get's older in his life".then a guy came ,show interest to know more about it,"can you please tell me how it's work" then the inventor say's "people will die young,so they never gone see old". ha ...ha ....ha.....
You know I hate turtle necks... it feels like a really weak person is chocking you. So, wearing turtle necks to school while carrying your backpack is horrible. It feels like a midgit is trying to bring me down!!
haha from my favorite camedian Mitch Hedberg
Srry if i spelled it wring im in a hurry
i have a riddle for you...
why did the guy ask for funny jokes in the 'Comics & Animation' section on Yahoo! Answers and not the 'Jokes & Riddles' thread?
if you can answer that, ill give you $5
SOUTHERN GRANDMA
Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren't? prepared for the answer.? In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached
her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a young boy too, when he didn't have a pot to pee in. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."
How to Make a Woman Happy
It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget: * birthdays * anniversaries * arrangements she makes
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Show up naked
2. Bring food
why is this in anime and not jokes and riddles?
The secretary of defence came to George Bush to tell him the most recent toll of deaths in Iraq. "Unfortunately today 2 Brazilian people were shot" To which Bush replies:
"Oh my God!!! Exactly how many is 2 Brazilian!?"