Good way to open a story?!
Question: I need a good option to see if this is a good way to start up my story for the friends that are going to read it. In a short version...
Bell, a witch, finds the kingdom she had been searching for at last. She is searching for a knight named Samaru, because she has a message for him. Bell stops to take a break in a bar for a few minutes.
She overhears some drunken people ranting about a mage that used to work at the kingdom, until they are shut up by a handsome person also at the bar. Bell watches with awe as the guys are beat up and thrown out of the bar.
Bell sees that she has found Samaru, and she gives him the message. His lover that he hasn't seen in two years tells him that he will be in a nearby different kingdom in two days. Bell askes Samaru about Mizuki, and he tells her their past together.
Afterwards, the start on to the kingdom of Duriel, with Samaru leading them on and hope burning in his chest.
Answers: I need a good option to see if this is a good way to start up my story for the friends that are going to read it. In a short version...
Bell, a witch, finds the kingdom she had been searching for at last. She is searching for a knight named Samaru, because she has a message for him. Bell stops to take a break in a bar for a few minutes.
She overhears some drunken people ranting about a mage that used to work at the kingdom, until they are shut up by a handsome person also at the bar. Bell watches with awe as the guys are beat up and thrown out of the bar.
Bell sees that she has found Samaru, and she gives him the message. His lover that he hasn't seen in two years tells him that he will be in a nearby different kingdom in two days. Bell askes Samaru about Mizuki, and he tells her their past together.
Afterwards, the start on to the kingdom of Duriel, with Samaru leading them on and hope burning in his chest.
This would be a good teaser for it. You probably should give us a taste of this kingdom she found, and the long journal that she travelled. Whether Bell or Samaru is the main character you should decribe both. Definietly describe Samaru as Bell sees him. With Samaru, you may have great intentions, you probably should keep his story about his love as something that he slowly gives up, maybe in a painful way.
Er... is this the opening or a summary of the main thing? I'll give you a better answer if you can tell me that.
Ok, then... well it's hard to say if we don't know the intro in full, but I'd say you want to start out with a "grabber" or try to describe your characters. But show, don't tell. Ex: Don't say "Her hair was black, and her skin was pale white." Instead, say "As she moved, her dark hair fell on her shoulders, contrasting sharply with her pale skin." Something like that.
I'd make an prolouge, or Chapter 1 first.