Is this naruto story good enough to be put on fanfiction.com?!
Question: Is this naruto story good enough to be put on fanfiction!.com!?
i fave an oc,jun,she is the daughter of jiraiya!.she has a gekegenki that can take any other gekegenki and see chakra!.
she is fighting sasuke trying to bring him back to konoha!.she has the chidori and resengan in one hand,with her gekegenki to full power!.sasuke too has the same thing going!.jun makes a run for sasuke!.he dodges and hits jun in the chest!.jiraiya comes out of no where and grabs sasuke's arm!.he breaks it and sasuke flees to orochimaru's cave!.naruto comes in behind jiraiya and picks up jun!."don't die on me jun!.i love you!.!.!.!.!.pleaz!."naruto said crying!."i'm !.!.!.!.!.sorry!.!.!.naruto!.!.i've!.!.should have!.!.!.gone!.!.!.out!.!.with you!.!.!.!.!.!."jun said diying in naruto's arms!.jiraiya can't stand the death of his own daughter,after her mother's death!.she was killed the same way by orochimaru!.naruto and jiraiya takes jun's body back to konoha!.almost every body crys at the dead body!.she was always there for konoha's people!.she will never be forgotten!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
she is fighting sasuke trying to bring him back to konoha!.she has the chidori and resengan in one hand,with her gekegenki to full power!.sasuke too has the same thing going!.jun makes a run for sasuke!.he dodges and hits jun in the chest!.jiraiya comes out of no where and grabs sasuke's arm!.he breaks it and sasuke flees to orochimaru's cave!.naruto comes in behind jiraiya and picks up jun!."don't die on me jun!.i love you!.!.!.!.!.pleaz!."naruto said crying!."i'm !.!.!.!.!.sorry!.!.!.naruto!.!.i've!.!.should have!.!.!.gone!.!.!.out!.!.with you!.!.!.!.!.!."jun said diying in naruto's arms!.jiraiya can't stand the death of his own daughter,after her mother's death!.she was killed the same way by orochimaru!.naruto and jiraiya takes jun's body back to konoha!.almost every body crys at the dead body!.she was always there for konoha's people!.she will never be forgotten!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
Heck yes!!! I absolutely love your story! You should definitely put it one Fanfiction!! I would love to continue reading your story!!!!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
well!.!.!. i like it except for naryto saying he loves jun!.!.!. other than that it was goodWww@Enter-QA@Com
no cause naurto sucksWww@Enter-QA@Com
Honestly, you need a lot more work before you put in on fanfiction!.com!. First, you need to plan out the story at least for a few more chapters!. also, most chapters are longer than just one single paragraph!. You need more detail too, but you're on the right track!.
Another thing is the punctuation and spelling!. I know you probably will check it before you post it, but it's kinda annoying!. You have no capital letters and you need spaces after you end a sentence with a period!. also, you need better sentences!. Instead of writing "She is!.!.!.!." "She did!.!.!.!." "He said!.!.!.!." Try starting sentences with different beginnings like prepositions (example: "In the creepy forest!.!.!.!.!.", "During the midnight hour,") or a verb (example: "frantically reaching for the weapon, Sasuke was too late!.")!.
Try adding some adjectives and adverbs!. Not just like "good", "bad" or "quickly"!. Use a thesaurus and find some suitable words!. Other than that, your story is pretty good so far!
Sorry if I am being hard on you! I don't mean to!. I just want you to write something really good!. If you ever need someone to read it, feel free to ask me!. Good luck!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Another thing is the punctuation and spelling!. I know you probably will check it before you post it, but it's kinda annoying!. You have no capital letters and you need spaces after you end a sentence with a period!. also, you need better sentences!. Instead of writing "She is!.!.!.!." "She did!.!.!.!." "He said!.!.!.!." Try starting sentences with different beginnings like prepositions (example: "In the creepy forest!.!.!.!.!.", "During the midnight hour,") or a verb (example: "frantically reaching for the weapon, Sasuke was too late!.")!.
Try adding some adjectives and adverbs!. Not just like "good", "bad" or "quickly"!. Use a thesaurus and find some suitable words!. Other than that, your story is pretty good so far!
Sorry if I am being hard on you! I don't mean to!. I just want you to write something really good!. If you ever need someone to read it, feel free to ask me!. Good luck!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Well, I think the plot is good!. However, don't take any offense to this please, it's a bit amateur-ish!. And most peoplelike to read things where the capitilization, punctuation, etc!. is correct!. I'm not sure why lol, but they do!.
Plus, it's a bit too short!. I think if you work on it and make it a little longer, and don't rush straight into the action like that, it'll be really good!. And the !."i'm !.!.!.!.!.sorry!.!.!.naruto!.!.i've!.!.sho!.!.!. have!.!.!.gone!.!.!.out!.!.with you!.!.!.!.!.!." might sound better as "I'm!.!.so sorry Naruto!.!.!.I!.!.I wish I could've showed you that!.!.I loved you back!." Or something!. "Gone out" just sounds a bit funny!.
Oh, and another thing!. Fanfiction readers generally don't like characters that are too powerful!.!."chidori and resengan in one hand, gekegenki to full power!." It makes it mary-sue-ish and most people don't like Mary Sues!.
Good luck on your story! ^_^Www@Enter-QA@Com
Plus, it's a bit too short!. I think if you work on it and make it a little longer, and don't rush straight into the action like that, it'll be really good!. And the !."i'm !.!.!.!.!.sorry!.!.!.naruto!.!.i've!.!.sho!.!.!. have!.!.!.gone!.!.!.out!.!.with you!.!.!.!.!.!." might sound better as "I'm!.!.so sorry Naruto!.!.!.I!.!.I wish I could've showed you that!.!.I loved you back!." Or something!. "Gone out" just sounds a bit funny!.
Oh, and another thing!. Fanfiction readers generally don't like characters that are too powerful!.!."chidori and resengan in one hand, gekegenki to full power!." It makes it mary-sue-ish and most people don't like Mary Sues!.
Good luck on your story! ^_^Www@Enter-QA@Com