What do you think of my doujinshi's story?!
Question: What do you think of my doujinshi's story!?
I need help in fixing my manga!.I'd love to hear your opinion whether good or bad!.
Ghost Town
13-year old Hikaru Tachibana lives in Izawa City!.Little does he know that Izawa is turning into a literal ghost town!.Evil and restless souls have broken free from the Underground Prison!.They now possess the citizens of Izawa little by little,while the original soul of the humans are thrown down in the Underworld!.Hikaru was possessed some time ago but still remains in control,thanks to his special body,called an ori,which allow human to be possessed but still gets to stay inside their body!.It also allows them to control the ghost's powers!.Hikaru,however has been possessed by the strongest ghost in the Nether Realms,and he,sadly,must be killed!.Shinigami-sama sends his top disciples to Izawa City!.Namely,Aya,Kurenai,Kouya,Miaka,And later on,Ryo!.Hikaru is spared by Aya,due to her plan of using him as a weapon against other ghosts,but slowly falls in love with him!.also, a female ori named Sasame(a!.k!.a!. The Death Walker) joins their side and slowly realizes her feelings for her 'master' Hikaru!.
Genre:Action,Fantasy,Supernatural,Come!.!.!.
If you have comments,suggestions or comparisons(T_T),just type away!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Ghost Town
13-year old Hikaru Tachibana lives in Izawa City!.Little does he know that Izawa is turning into a literal ghost town!.Evil and restless souls have broken free from the Underground Prison!.They now possess the citizens of Izawa little by little,while the original soul of the humans are thrown down in the Underworld!.Hikaru was possessed some time ago but still remains in control,thanks to his special body,called an ori,which allow human to be possessed but still gets to stay inside their body!.It also allows them to control the ghost's powers!.Hikaru,however has been possessed by the strongest ghost in the Nether Realms,and he,sadly,must be killed!.Shinigami-sama sends his top disciples to Izawa City!.Namely,Aya,Kurenai,Kouya,Miaka,And later on,Ryo!.Hikaru is spared by Aya,due to her plan of using him as a weapon against other ghosts,but slowly falls in love with him!.also, a female ori named Sasame(a!.k!.a!. The Death Walker) joins their side and slowly realizes her feelings for her 'master' Hikaru!.
Genre:Action,Fantasy,Supernatural,Come!.!.!.
If you have comments,suggestions or comparisons(T_T),just type away!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
OMG I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IT SOUNDS SO PROFESSIONAL AND IT'S THE TYPE OF MANGA THAT I WOULD LIKE TO READ!
lol sorry for caps got overexcited
I have a tip, if you make the scope a lot bigger (like creating really big cities and stuff!.!.!.!.) it would really be awesome!.
are you going for a dark setting, like a gloomy feel or something!?
imo, i would like it to be shounen/slice-of-life-ish, and colorful (not really pastel, just lively colors that suit your characters) to be unique!. thatd really make your manga (imo) awesome!!!!! >!.< OMG SOUL EATER!!!!!!
dyou have a deviantart account!? if so please tell me :) ^^Www@Enter-QA@Com
IT SOUNDS SO PROFESSIONAL AND IT'S THE TYPE OF MANGA THAT I WOULD LIKE TO READ!
lol sorry for caps got overexcited
I have a tip, if you make the scope a lot bigger (like creating really big cities and stuff!.!.!.!.) it would really be awesome!.
are you going for a dark setting, like a gloomy feel or something!?
imo, i would like it to be shounen/slice-of-life-ish, and colorful (not really pastel, just lively colors that suit your characters) to be unique!. thatd really make your manga (imo) awesome!!!!! >!.< OMG SOUL EATER!!!!!!
dyou have a deviantart account!? if so please tell me :) ^^Www@Enter-QA@Com
wow, sound good!. Tell me when you get this drawn! i might like to look into reading it! :DWww@Enter-QA@Com
I don't get it, really!.!.!. Maybe I'm just tired, but I barely am following this!. Who is Shinigami-sama!? Why does he have disciples and what is their usual job!? Hunting ghosts!? Why does Tachibana need to die!? Why is Sasame Tachibana's servant or whatever!?
But even without these questions answered, I can still see that your plot is kinda lacking and just a little boring!. Maybe you should throw something else in there or give it a unique twist!. Love triangles are pretty common!.!.!.
And your use of "Shinigami-sama" as a name!.!.!. What's that manga, Soul Eater or whatever!? That's taken from there, isn't it!? If this isn't a doujin based off the Soul Eater world, I advise against using names from it!. Instead, the characters could be shinigami or something!. Btw, "shinigami" = "death god" ("shini" = "to die", "gami" comes from "kami" which is "god") and "sama" is just a very respectable term, so your character named "Shinigami-sama" is basically kinda like "m'lord Grim Reaper"!. Idk!.!.!. Might want to use that instead or something!.!.!.
But I'm tired now, so I'm slowly making less and less sense!.!.!. Anyway, good luck and such!. ^^Www@Enter-QA@Com
But even without these questions answered, I can still see that your plot is kinda lacking and just a little boring!. Maybe you should throw something else in there or give it a unique twist!. Love triangles are pretty common!.!.!.
And your use of "Shinigami-sama" as a name!.!.!. What's that manga, Soul Eater or whatever!? That's taken from there, isn't it!? If this isn't a doujin based off the Soul Eater world, I advise against using names from it!. Instead, the characters could be shinigami or something!. Btw, "shinigami" = "death god" ("shini" = "to die", "gami" comes from "kami" which is "god") and "sama" is just a very respectable term, so your character named "Shinigami-sama" is basically kinda like "m'lord Grim Reaper"!. Idk!.!.!. Might want to use that instead or something!.!.!.
But I'm tired now, so I'm slowly making less and less sense!.!.!. Anyway, good luck and such!. ^^Www@Enter-QA@Com