What do you think of my fanfiction so far?!


Question: What do you think of my fanfiction so far!?
Who ever said we were friends!?

Since I was young, I always wanted a great life!. Amazing friends, Great Figure, and of course, a rich spouse!. But that all changed once I was told about my arranged marriage!.!.!.!. With Light Yagami!!?
Well you see, I never really met Yagami-san!. All I did was heard about him at my local high school!. Light Yagami this, and Light Yagami that!. Would those idiots ever shut up about him!!? I really hope so because my story hasn't even started yet! Let's start back a while ago!. Where my life was perfect, and I was the greatest thing my mom could have ever hoped for!!!
At School, I was the top student, Really popular, and I was the co-captain of the swim team, and I was the co-captain of track, and of course, I am the captain of the Cheer-leading squad, Mostly because of my figure and my great looks!. Lets start out with my looks, I have Brown hair, Ends at my back!. It has mixed shading throughout my hair!. My eyes are a bright blue, Stare at them to long and you'll be blind! My hair is usually kept down, unless I am going through a weird phase where I want my hair to be mixed!. Sometimes I have half of my hair up, then the other part down!. Oh and for that, I usaully known for being the weird one at times!. I am thinking about getting Pink Highlights, How do you think that will look on me!? Cute right!? Well my figure is really good since at a young age I became a ballerina! I weight a easy 82 pounds, fat aren't I!? Oh well, I stopped caring about my weight a while ago!. Just for a bit of fun, I'll tell you my bra size! I am a C! Jealous, Aren't you!? Ha! Well I have had my period since I was 10 years old, Torture!!!
Oh yeah! I forgot to say my name, It is Kessa Satō!.
Now let's start my story, about the time I get home with four friends, Ayama, Dai, Mika and of course Tora, we call her Tiger at times, Rawr!Www@Enter-QA@Com


Answers:
Quite honestly - I think it's poorly written!. You have a lot of grammatical errors and your sentence structure is a little odd!. Things like "Oh yeah! !.!.!." shouldn't be used in writing unless being said by a character!.!.!.etc!.

Anyways, I'm biased since it seems to be a Death Note fic and I happen to be a fan!. You should continue it but look into having it beta'd!.Www@Enter-QA@Com



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