Help! Will You Critique The First Few Paragraphs Of My Book?!
Question: Help! Will You Critique The First Few Paragraphs Of My Book!?
I know this is in the wrong section, but I'm trying to get as much feedback as possible!.it's a rough draft but i want to show you the first few paragraphs and i'm asking for a honest opinion!. Don't worry about hurting my feelings!. this is a paranormal romance novel!.!.!.!.
The forest was dark except for scattered beams of moonlight seeping through the trees!. The leaves crunched beneath her as she tried desperately to flee from her enemy, but her tiny legs were wobbly and her feet felt like lead, making every step more difficult than the last!. Glancing back, she saw that he was gaining on her!. Frantically, she searched for cover, her terrified blue eyes darting in every possible direction!. With time running out, her racing mind could only think of one thing to do!. She lept behind a tall bush, prickly briers tearing through her sweat-soaked flesh, and hoped that it would be enough!.
She could hear him coming; his boots landing hard on the forest floor!. Tucking herself deeper into the shadows, she held her breath and waited!. It got quiet!. Her heart was racing and her blood ran cold!. Even the animals remained hidden, aware of the impending danger!.
Minutes passed and she slowly released the air from her burning lungs!. Just when she thought she was alone and safe, he dropped down to his hands and knees, his eyes gleaming red through the dense shrubbery!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
Www@Enter-QA@Com
The forest was dark except for scattered beams of moonlight seeping through the trees!. The leaves crunched beneath her as she tried desperately to flee from her enemy, but her tiny legs were wobbly and her feet felt like lead, making every step more difficult than the last!. Glancing back, she saw that he was gaining on her!. Frantically, she searched for cover, her terrified blue eyes darting in every possible direction!. With time running out, her racing mind could only think of one thing to do!. She lept behind a tall bush, prickly briers tearing through her sweat-soaked flesh, and hoped that it would be enough!.
She could hear him coming; his boots landing hard on the forest floor!. Tucking herself deeper into the shadows, she held her breath and waited!. It got quiet!. Her heart was racing and her blood ran cold!. Even the animals remained hidden, aware of the impending danger!.
Minutes passed and she slowly released the air from her burning lungs!. Just when she thought she was alone and safe, he dropped down to his hands and knees, his eyes gleaming red through the dense shrubbery!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
From what I read, it feels like the female is in an animal form!? Maybe her pursuer as well!. Good start!. Try saying the same thing shorter and in langauge that is unique to your mind, your own signature!. Example first sentence shorter and unique: Knives of moonlight stabbed the dark cloak of night that hung over the forest!.Www@Enter-QA@Com