Is it just me or are horoscopes a pile of ****?!

Is it just me or are horoscopes a pile of ****?

Does anyone actually believe that on a certain day, they're going to meet their soulmate, travel and come into money, all because the "stars" tell some nutty old bird who sits in a dark room with loads of cats and a glass ball? ( just guessed the last bit, but probs not far off)

It's not just you. Even if you believe in the wrong-minded effluvia that is astrology - and you'd be credulous, wishful or just plain absurd to buy that superstitious nonsense - but even if you do believe that our lives are ruled by billions of stars, then to boil those movements down into 12 generic, fatuous statements such as "blue holds the key", "you will meet a human", or "don't make rash, violent decisions you may regret" can only be feeble-minded idiocy.

Horoscopes are 95% common sense, and 5% tittilating fantasy. If you're the kind of person who wants to believe in them, you'll forget the many hundreds that never came true, and latch onto the one time you did, in fact, make a rash, violent decision - like punching a professional astrologer in the neck - and lived to regret it.