Can i have some horiscopes?!


Question:

Can i have some horiscopes?

H0RiSC0PES!


Answers:

The best are from The Onion! Here are some:

Your Birthday Today
Cosmologists have determined that the universe's expansion will ultimately yield an environment in which energy dwindles away, leaving all of Creation a cold dead place—but today's your special day!

Cancer June 22 - July 22
The old adage that begins "For want of a nail" will take on special meaning for you this week when a time-travel accident leaves you standing empty-handed at the Crucifixion.

Leo July 23 - August 22
Your lawsuit against the drug companies will sputter out when it turns out the major suppliers of top-shelf blow aren't "companies" in.

Virgo August 23 - September 22
Keep in mind this week that anger is fear in disguise, although why you'd be afraid of the soda machine eating your dollar is for you alone to answer.

Libra September 23 - October 23
You're no detective, but you're pretty sure the bloody toothprints on the scrap of diaper stuck in your truck's radiator are a clue.


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