Has any one got a really dirty joke.?!

Has any one got a really dirty joke.?

nothing to do with dirty washing please heard it..

one day a little girl was walking along the beach and saw a naked man. looking down, she asked the man, "whats that?" "its my bird" the man replied. "well, can i play with it?" "only if you go and ask your mum first."

hearing this, the little girl runs home to her mum and asks her "mummy, can i play with a mans bird?" the mother, thinking it was a normal bird, replied, "ok honey." when the girl got back to the beach, the man was sleeping. but since she got both his and her mums permission, she started playing with it.

when the man woke up, he found himself lying in a hospital bed with the girl standing beside him. confused, he asked her, "what happened?" the girl promptly replied, "well, when i was playing with your bird he spit on me, so i bit off his head, cracked his eggs and burnt his nest"!
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A man walks into a bar, and sits down for a drink. While looking around he notices a man at the end of the bar with a very small head (the size of an orange). A little shocked at how someone's head could be so small, he gets up some courage to go and ask him about it.
Excuse me, I couldn't help notice your head is very small.
The guy laughs it off, and proceeds to tell the man what happened.
When I was a young sailor I was shipwrecked on an island. After many weeks alone, I gave up the thought that I would ever be found. One day while walking the beach, I heard some crying behind a rock. I was so excited that someone else was here, I went to check it out.
Behind the rock I saw the most beautiful mermaid stranded on the beach. She told me if I brought her back to the water, she could grant me 3 wishes.
I picked her up, and brought her back to the sea.
She asked what were my three wishes?
First I said, I'd like to get off this Island, and back home.
When my body is fully underwater, your wish will be granted, she said.
Second, I'd like to be the richest man in the World.
Again she said, when my body is fully in the water your wish will be granted.
Third, hmm this is a tough one. I have been on this Island without a women for a long time. I would like to have sex with you.
As you can see, I am not made for that. She said.
OK how about a little head.
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Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to write a sexual harassment grievance against him. The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks, "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?" The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget."