Again No offence meant but does this make you smile Regards?!

Again No offence meant but does this make you smile Regards?

Dear Technical Support,
18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2,
which I had used for years without any trouble.
However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products
and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the >sound turned off.
To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several
other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Rugby 4.5, and Playboy 6.9.
Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better.
I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and
left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.
Eventually, I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the
same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each
other they caused severe damage to my hardware.
I eventually upgraded to Fiance 1.0, only to discover that this
product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0.
While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with
FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse2005.
Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be
very unstable and costly to run.
Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory
and could not be deleted.
They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them.
Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter,
and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Multi-Whinge.
These latter products have no Help files,
and I have to try to guess what the problem is.
Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly,
requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express
which needs to be reinstalled every other week.
Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Saab 93 Convertible hard
drive, it often crashes.
Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw,
which can't be turned off.
Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2005, but there could
be problems.
A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects
Mistress 2005,it tends to delete all of your assets before
uninstalling itself.
Help requested please?

Very clever!

You are a fricking star... and you get one from me!

Thanks for the laugh.

As to the help requested...

Try installing BestFriend1 - this has been known to cover for unexplained absences and can ultimately be blamed for issues brought up by the Wife 1.0 that you "know nothing about!"

WARNING- Using the blaming facility can cause a terminal error in BestFriend1... but sometimes this is the preferred option to maintain Wife1.0