Ernie the hamster?!


Question:

Ernie the hamster?

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was
"something wrong" with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in
his room. "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious,
Dad. Can you help?" I put my best hamster-healer statement on my face and followed him
into his bedroom. One of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back,
looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do -"Honey," I called,
"come look at the hamster!" "Oh, my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute, "She's having
babies." "What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"
I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we
didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my wife.
"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she
inquired. (I actually think she said this sarcastically!)
"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her, (in my
Most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth
together). "Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, ya know," she
informed me. (Again with the sarcasm, ya think?)
By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on.
I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. "Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience," I announced.
"We're about to witness the miracle of birth." "Oh, gross!" they shrieked.
"Well, isn't THAT just great! What are we going to do with a litter
of tiny little hamster babies?" my wife wanted to know.
We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a
tiny > foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later. "We don't
appear to be making much progress," I noted.
"It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified. "Do something, Dad!" my son urged.
"Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it
next appeared, giving it a gingerly tug. It disappeared. I tried
several more times with the same results.
"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly. We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.
"Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged. "I don't think hamsters do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women
can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does
to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)
The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the
little animal through a magnifying glass. "What do you
think, Doc, a c-section?" I suggested scientifically.
"Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I
speak to you privately for a moment?" I gulped, nodding for my son to step
outside. "Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.
"Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This hamster is not in labor.
In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen... Ernie is a boy."
"What!?"
"You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into
maturity, like most male species, they um.... er.... masturbate. Just
the way he did, lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife.
"Well, you know what I'm saying, Mr. Cameron." We were silent,
absorbing this. "So Ernie's just... just... eExcited?", my wife offered.
"Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood. More
silence. Then my viscous, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then
even laugh loudly hysterically even.
"What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the
woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my
flawless manliness. Tears were now running down her face. "It's just...that...I'm
picturing you pulling on its...its...teeny little..." she gasped for more air
to bellow in laughter once more. "That's enough," I warned.
"I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he told
me. "Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.
2 - Hamsters - 10 bucks...
1 - Cage - 20 bucks
Trip to the Vet ...30 bucks...
Pictures of your hubby pulling on the hamster's wacker........Priceless!
>


Answers:

**tears streaming down my face** I laughed so hard I cried. Thank you!

That was absolutely priceless! A keeper. Wish I could give you a thousand stars, but one will have to do.


The answer content post by the user, if contains the copyright content please contact us, we will immediately remove it.
Copyright © 2007 enter-qa.com -   Contact us

Entertainment Categories