My favorite Henny Youngman jokes!! ENJOY?!

My favorite Henny Youngman jokes!! ENJOY?

A doctor has a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor says, "That's what puzzles me!"

"Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?" The doctor says, "Limp!"

Doctor says to a man, "You're pregnant!" The man says, "How does a man get pregnant?" The doctor says, "The usual way - a little wine, a little dinner...."

Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office". Doctor: "Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in."

A bum came up to me saying, "I haven't eaten in two days!" I said, "You should force yourself!"

Another bum told me, "I haven't tasted food all week." I told him, "Don't worry, it still tastes the same!"

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.

"Take my wife........PLEASE!" I was dating a man who was going to Youngman's barmitzva. I didn't believe him because Youngman was 64-65 at the time. Then I heard it on the news! I kicked myself in the butt! I could have been there!