HOTEL SOAPS!!!...(true story)?!


Question:

HOTEL SOAPS!!!...(true story)?

(some real letters from an annoyed man staying at a hotel)

Dear Maid,



Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap

in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial.

Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf

under the medicine chest and another three in the shower

soap dish. They are in my way.

Thank you,



S. Berman

------------------------------...



Dear Room 635,



I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow,

Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of

the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your

shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex

dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves

only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the

management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is

satisfactory.



Kathy, Relief Maid



------------------------------...



Dear Maid-



I hope you are my regular maid. Apparently Kathy did not

tell you about my note to her concerning the little bars of

soap. When I got back to my room this evening I found you

had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine

cabinet. I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks

and have brought my own bath-size Dial so I won't need

those 6 little Camays which are on the shelf. They are in

my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please remove

them.



S. Berman



------------------------------...



Dear Mr. Berman,



My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel

soaps which we are instructed by the management. I took the

6 soaps which were in your way on the shelf and put them in

the soap dish where your Dial was. I put the Dial in the

medicine cabinet for your convenience. I didn't remove the

3 complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the

medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did

not object to when you checked in last Monday. Please let

me know if I can of further assistance.



Your regular maid,



Dotty



------------------------------...



Dear Mr. Berman,



The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this A.M.

that you called him last evening and said you were unhappy

with your maid service. I have assigned a new girl to your

room. I hope you will accept my apologies for any past

inconvenience. If you have any future complaints please

contact me so I can give it my personal attention. Call

extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you.



Elaine Carmen



Housekeeper



------------------------------...



Dear Miss Carmen,



It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the

hotel for business at 745 AM and don't get back before 530

or 6PM. That's the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night.

You were already off duty. I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he

could do anything about those little bars of soap. The new

maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in

today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my

medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on

the bath-room shelf. In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24

little bars of soap. Why are you doing this to me?



S. Berman



------------------------------...



Dear Mr. Berman,



Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering

soap to your room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be

of further assistance, please call extension 1108 between

8AM and 5PM.



Thank you,



Elaine Carmen,

Housekeeper



------------------------------...



Dear Mr. Kensedder,



My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken

from my room including my own bath-size Dial. I came in

late last night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4

little Cashmere Bouquets.



S. Berman



------------------------------...



Dear Mr. Berman,



I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your

soap problem. I cannot understand why there was no soap in

your room since our maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of

soap each time they service a room. The situation will be

rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies for the

inconvenience.



Martin L. Kensedder

Assistant Manager



------------------------------...



Dear Mrs. Carmen,



Who the heck left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I

came in last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I

don't want 54 little bars of Camay. I want my one damn bar

of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have 54 bars of soap in

here? All I want is my bath size Dial. Please give me back

my bath-size Dial.



S. Berman



------------------------------...



Dear Mr. Berman,



You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them

removed. Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your

soap was missing so I personally returned them. The 24

Camays which had been taken and the 3 Camays you are

supposed to receive daily (sic). I don't know anything

about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy,

did not know I had returned your soaps so she also brought

24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I don't know where you

got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was able

to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.



Elaine Carmen



Housekeeper



------------------------------...



Dear Mrs. Carmen,



Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap

inventory.



As of today I possess:

On shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4

and 1 stack of 2.

On Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1

stack of 3.

On bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack

of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.

Inside medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1

stack of 2.

In shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.

On northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly

used.

On northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.

Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the

stacks are neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her

that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I

suggest that my bedroom windowsill is not in use and will

make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries.



One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial

which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid

further misunderstandings.



S. Berman


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HAHAHAHA! That was great! Are those really real? lol :D


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