HOTEL SOAPS!!!...(true story)?!
Question:
HOTEL SOAPS!!!...(true story)?
(some real letters from an annoyed man staying at a hotel)
Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap
in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial.
Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf
under the medicine chest and another three in the shower
soap dish. They are in my way.
Thank you,
S. Berman
------------------------------...
Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow,
Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of
the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your
shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex
dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves
only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the
management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is
satisfactory.
Kathy, Relief Maid
------------------------------...
Dear Maid-
I hope you are my regular maid. Apparently Kathy did not
tell you about my note to her concerning the little bars of
soap. When I got back to my room this evening I found you
had added 3 little Camays to the shelf under my medicine
cabinet. I am going to be here in the hotel for two weeks
and have brought my own bath-size Dial so I won't need
those 6 little Camays which are on the shelf. They are in
my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc. Please remove
them.
S. Berman
------------------------------...
Dear Mr. Berman,
My day off was last Wed. so the relief maid left 3 hotel
soaps which we are instructed by the management. I took the
6 soaps which were in your way on the shelf and put them in
the soap dish where your Dial was. I put the Dial in the
medicine cabinet for your convenience. I didn't remove the
3 complimentary soaps which are always placed inside the
medicine cabinet for all new check-ins and which you did
not object to when you checked in last Monday. Please let
me know if I can of further assistance.
Your regular maid,
Dotty
------------------------------...
Dear Mr. Berman,
The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me this A.M.
that you called him last evening and said you were unhappy
with your maid service. I have assigned a new girl to your
room. I hope you will accept my apologies for any past
inconvenience. If you have any future complaints please
contact me so I can give it my personal attention. Call
extension 1108 between 8AM and 5PM. Thank you.
Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
------------------------------...
Dear Miss Carmen,
It is impossible to contact you by phone since I leave the
hotel for business at 745 AM and don't get back before 530
or 6PM. That's the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night.
You were already off duty. I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he
could do anything about those little bars of soap. The new
maid you assigned me must have thought I was a new check-in
today, since she left another 3 bars of hotel soap in my
medicine cabinet along with her regular delivery of 3 bars on
the bath-room shelf. In just 5 days here I have accumulated 24
little bars of soap. Why are you doing this to me?
S. Berman
------------------------------...
Dear Mr. Berman,
Your maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop delivering
soap to your room and remove the extra soaps. If I can be
of further assistance, please call extension 1108 between
8AM and 5PM.
Thank you,
Elaine Carmen,
Housekeeper
------------------------------...
Dear Mr. Kensedder,
My bath-size Dial is missing. Every bar of soap was taken
from my room including my own bath-size Dial. I came in
late last night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4
little Cashmere Bouquets.
S. Berman
------------------------------...
Dear Mr. Berman,
I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of your
soap problem. I cannot understand why there was no soap in
your room since our maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of
soap each time they service a room. The situation will be
rectified immediately. Please accept my apologies for the
inconvenience.
Martin L. Kensedder
Assistant Manager
------------------------------...
Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Who the heck left 54 little bars of Camay in my room? I
came in last night and found 54 little bars of soap. I
don't want 54 little bars of Camay. I want my one damn bar
of bath-size Dial. Do you realize I have 54 bars of soap in
here? All I want is my bath size Dial. Please give me back
my bath-size Dial.
S. Berman
------------------------------...
Dear Mr. Berman,
You complained of too much soap in your room so I had them
removed. Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all your
soap was missing so I personally returned them. The 24
Camays which had been taken and the 3 Camays you are
supposed to receive daily (sic). I don't know anything
about the 4 Cashmere Bouquets. Obviously your maid, Kathy,
did not know I had returned your soaps so she also brought
24 Camays plus the 3 daily Camays. I don't know where you
got the idea this hotel issues bath-size Dial. I was able
to locate some bath-size Ivory which I left in your room.
Elaine Carmen
Housekeeper
------------------------------...
Dear Mrs. Carmen,
Just a short note to bring you up-to-date on my latest soap
inventory.
As of today I possess:
On shelf under medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4
and 1 stack of 2.
On Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1
stack of 3.
On bedroom dresser - 1 stack of 3 Cashmere Bouquet, 1 stack
of 4 hotel-size Ivory, and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.
Inside medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1
stack of 2.
In shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.
On northeast corner of tub - 1 Cashmere Bouquet, slightly
used.
On northwest corner of tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.
Please ask Kathy when she services my room to make sure the
stacks are neatly piled and dusted. Also, please advise her
that stacks of more than 4 have a tendency to tip. May I
suggest that my bedroom windowsill is not in use and will
make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries.
One more item, I have purchased another bar of bath-sized Dial
which I am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid
further misunderstandings.
S. Berman
Answers:
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HAHAHAHA! That was great! Are those really real? lol :D