And Hallmark rejected these?!

And Hallmark rejected these?

My tire was thumping,
I thought it was flat,
when I looked at the tire,
I noticed your cat....Sorry

You had your bladder removed
and you're on the mends,
here's a bouqet of flowers
and a box of Depends

Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be,
But don't fret about it,
she's moved in with me

Cards You Will Never See At Hallmark:

--How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?

--I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having met you, I've changed my mind.

--I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell til I met you.

--Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What was I thinking?

--As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me.

--If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister.

--As you grow older, Mom, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therapy...

--Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would like to take this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it again.

--Someday I hope to get married, but not to you.

--I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend. So here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys.

--Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you ever find out who the father was?

--You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket.... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.