Just want a laugh?!


Question:

Just want a laugh?

tell me a FUNNY story. not toooo long but not tooo short. thanks


Answers:

i have lots of jokes

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but
always talked about having a son. They decided to try
one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife
got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The
joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new
son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever
seen. He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the
father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful
daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around
behind my back?" The wife smiled sweetly and replied,
"Not this time!"






BEFORE MARRIAGE:


He: "Yes. At last. I was waiting for this
opportunity."

She: "Do you want me to leave?"

He: "NO! Don't even think about it."

She: "Do you love me?"

He: "Of course!"

She: "Have you ever cheated on me?"

He: "NO! Why you even asking?"

She: "Will you kiss me?"

He:" Yes!"

She:" Will you hit me?"

He: "No way! I'm not that kind of person!"

She: "Can I trust you?"


For AFTER MARRIAGE.... read the lines from bottom to
top.





A drunk guy is walking down the street. He sees this nun, runs up and knocks her over. He says, "You don't feel so tough now, do you, Batman!?"


A farmer just got married and was going home on his wagon pulled by a team of horses. When one of the hoses stumbled, he said, "That's once."
Then it stumbled again. He said, "That's twice."

Then later it stumbled a third time. This time, he didn't say anything, just pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse dead.

His wife cried out and started to yell at him. The farmer turned to her and said, "That's once."




A thief stuck a pistol in a man's ribs and said, "Give me your money."
The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said "You cannot do this, I'm a United States Congressman!"

The thief said, "In that case, give me my money!"





there was 3 nuns talking and the 1st said
" i found a dirty magazine in the fathers room"
and the 2nd nun relpid
'' what did you do with it?'' and the 1st nun said
''i trew it in the garbage''
and the 2nd nun said
'' well that is nothing i found a box of condoms'' the 1st nun asked
'' oh my what did you so with that'' and the 2nd nun said
''i poked holes in all of them''
and the 3rd nun fainted



There was a blonde driving down the road one day. She glanced to her right and noticed another blonde sitting in a nearby field, rowing a boat with no water in sight.

The blonde angrily pulled her car over and yelled at the rowing blonde, “What do you think you're doing? It's things like this that give us blondes a bad name. If I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your butt!”




A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin, and were tall, while the youngest son had black hair, dark eyes, and was short.
The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me - is our youngest son my child?"

The wife replied, "I swear on everything that's holy that he is your son."

With that the husband passed away. The wife then muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three."



There was magician on a cruise ship, and he was really good.
He was performing the highlight of his show when a parrot walked onstage and squawked, ''It's in his sleeve!''

The magician chased the bird away.

The next day the magician was performing his highlight again (in front of a smaller audience) when the parrot walked onstage and declared, ''It's in his pocket!''

The next day, as he was performing the highlight, he saw the parrot in the crowd. But before the parrot could ruin the magic trick, the boat crashed into a rock and sank.

The magician was lucky enough to find a board to hang on to. On the other end of the board was the parrot.

They stared at each other for three full days, neither of them saying anything, when suddenly the parrot said, ''I give up, what'd you do with the ship?''




Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?''

When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, a weird boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!''

The Teacher fainted.


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