I have the worst neighbor in the world!! please help me!!!?!

I have the worst neighbor in the world!! please help me!!!?

my dumb, fat neighbor is a pain in the ###!!! for starters, when i am not home, he jumps my fence with a ladder that i havent seen in my garage in a while.. and uses my pool, according to a trusty neighbor. he hangs out in my yard all day!! he runs an extension cord from my outside outlet to his house. and to make it even better, he uses my hose and water to water his lawn. when the mail comes, he is the first to sort through it. i dont know why he would even want to read my mail. when he has parties, he instructs guests to park in my driveway and lawn. his wife is also a *****. i caught her grocery shopping in my kitchen!!! the police cant do anything about it. (so they say). we have really crappy police. there are only about 4 cops and they can never be counted on because the spend time at the diner and coffee house. what are some good ideas (funny) that i could do to get him to stop taking advantage of me??? by the way, i lock my doors and have changed the locks a handful of times

Are you foreals? You must be kidding.

1)POOL:
put some sort of dye in it or a lot of bleach. Maybe shattered glass and throw it into the pool.

2) Extension Cord: ?

3)Hose: Put ants on his grass

4)Mail:
I suggest that you put a venomous creature. like a
scorpion. Get bees and put them them in the mail box (Do this after the mail person comes as not to affect that person)

5)Parties:
When you realize that people are coming over
throw thumb tacks,nails, and glass or you driveway and grass (cut grass short to there will be a greater affect on the cars). Call a tow truck on your "neighbors behalf" to remove the bothersome cars.

6)Kitchen shopping: ?

Personal note: I would order food and give his direction. Throw rocks at their windows. pop their tires.

DO ANYTHING THAT A 10 YEAR OLD CHILD WOULD DO.

I will try to come up with other things.

Good Luck