Tell me good joke?!

Tell me good joke?

second try on this question, last time i asked this it was removed and i dont know why.

Holy water
There were these three nuns who haven't EVER done anything bad. They wanted to know what it felt like to do something bad, so they told their priest about there situation. He told them to go out and do something bad, but make sure to come back and drink some holy water afterwards.
One hour later....
The first nun comes back shouting "Priest! Priest! I've done something really bad!"
"What did you do?"
"I stole a woman’s purse!"
"Drink some holy water and you will be forgiven"
She did what the priest said, and drank the water.
The 2 nun comes in shouting "Priest! Priest! I've done something really, really bad!"
"What did you do?"
"I set a house on fire!"
"Well, drink some holy water and you'll be forgiven"
She did what the priest said, and drank the water.
The third nun comes in from a room shouting "Priest! Priest! I've done something really, really, really bad!"
"What did you do?"
“I went pee in the holy water!"

Four nuns went to confession seeking absolution. The priest asked each in turn what sin they had committed that he might guide them toward salvation.
The first nun said that she had seen a man's private parts. The priest said "wash your eyes with holy water and you shall be forgiven.”
The second nun said that she had touched a man's private parts. The priest said "wash your hands in the holy water and you shall be forgiven.”
As the third nun was about to enter the confessional the fourth nun stopped her and said "excuse me, sister, but do you mind if I gargle with the holy water before you sit in it?"



Dear friends, it is with the saddest heart that I have to pass on the following:

The Pillsbury Doughboy died Monday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The graveside was piled high with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Doughboy as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded".

Doughboy rose quickly in show business but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, even as a crusty old man, he was considered a roll model for millions.

Toward the end it was thought he'd rise once again, but he was no tart. Doughboy is survived by his second wife, Play Dough. They have two children, and one in the oven.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.




Phone Won't Stop Ringing?

Here's What You Do

Leola Starling of Ribrock, Tenn., had a serious telephone problem. But unlike most people she did something about it.

The brand-new $10 million Ribrock Plaza Motel opened nearby and had acquired almost the same telephone number as Leola.

From the moment the motel opened, Leola was besieged by calls not for her. Since she had the same phone number for years, she felt that she had a case to persuade the motel management to change its number.

Naturally, the management refused claiming that it could not change its stationery.

The phone company was not helpful, either. A number was a number, and just because a customer was getting someone else's calls 24 hours a day didn't make it responsible. After her pleas fell on deaf ears, Leola decided to take matters into her own hands.

At 9 o'clock the phone rang. Someone from Memphis was calling the motel and asked for a room for the following Tuesday. Leoloa said, "No problem. How many nights?"

A few hours later Dallas checked in. A secretary wanted a suite with two bedrooms for a week. Emboldened, Leola said the Presidential Suite on the 10th floor was available for $600 a night. The secretary said that she would take it and asked if the hotel wanted a deposit. "No, that won't be necessary," Leola said. "We trust you."

The next day was a busy one for Leola. In the morning, she booked an electric appliance manufacturers' convention for Memorial Day weekend, a college prom and a reunion of the 82nd Airborne veterans from World War II.

She turned on her answering machine during lunchtime so that she could watch her favorite soap opera, but her biggest challenge came in the afternoon when a mother called to book the ballroom for her daughter's wedding in June.

Leola assured the woman that it would be no problem and asked if she would be providing the flowers or did she want the hotel to take care of it. The mother said that she would prefer the hotel to handle the floral arrangements. Then the question of valet parking came up. Once again Leola was helpful. "There's no charge for valet parking, but we always recommend that the client tips the drivers."

Within a few months, the Ribrock Plaza Motel was a disaster area.

People kept showing up for weddings, bar mitzvahs, and Sweet Sixteen parties and were all told there were no such events.

Leola had her final revenge when she read in the local paper that the motel might go bankrupt. Her phone rang, and an executive from Marriott said, "We're prepared to offer you $200,000 for the motel."

Leola replied. "We'll take it, but only if you change the telephone number."