Church Bells.?!
Question:
Church Bells.?
On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away,Lisa went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died,her grandmother replied,"He had a heart attack while we were making love on sunday morning."
Horrified,Lisa told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surley be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny."Many years ago,realizing our advanced age,we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bell would start to ring.It was the right rhythm. nice and slow and even.Nothing too strenuous,Simply in on the ding and out on the dong."
She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued,"And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along,he'd still be alive!"
Answers:
Man Of The House
Calamity Jane’s husband had just finished reading a book titled, 'Man of the House.'
He slapped the book shut, and pointing a finger in her face, he said, 'From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me a bath so I can relax. And, when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?'
'The funeral director?' said the Cowgirl.