Sick husband............................?!
Question:
Sick husband.....................
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly...make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."
On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"
"You're going to die," she replied.
Answers:
Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital.
One day, while they
were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim jumped into the
deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there.
Mary jumped in and pulled him
out.
When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act,
ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now Considered her to
be mentally stable.
When he went to tell her the news, he said, "Mary, I have good news & bad
news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able
to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained
your senses".
"The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hanged himself in the
bathroom with the belt of his robe. I am so sorry, but he's dead".
Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."
Southern Terrorist Advisory Atlanta
The governors of Alabama, South Carolina, Arkansas, Georgia, and
Mississippi announced today that they have made a disturbing
discovery in their states. Apparently, a small number of Al Qaeda
terrorists have become romantically involved with local redneck girls.
The result is not pretty and they now have the sad task of reporting
the creation of a new sector of the human race: Islamabubbas.
So far, only a smattering of actual births have been reported, but
Pat Robertson's Christian Coalition is hard at work trying to isolate
and seal them off. To date, the Coalition has identified the following
children:
Mohammed Billy Bob Abba Bubba
Mohammed Jethro Bin Thinkin Boudit
Mohammed Forrest Gumpa Bubba
Mohammed Rubba Dub Dubba Bubba
Bobbie Joe Bubba Amgood Atat
Betty Jean Hasbeena Badgurl
Linda Sue Bin There Dundat
Not surprisingly, the Coalition believes they all seem to have
sprung from one couple:
Mohammed Whoozyadaddy and Yomamma Bin Lovin.