Jokes please?!


Question:

Jokes please?


Best joke or hardest riddle wins. keep it pg13 please


Answers: once there were two muffins sittin in the bakery.............. one of them says to the other "hey" and the other one says "holy **** a talkin muffin!" Source(s):
two and a half men um i cant think of any right now but um u should look up jokes lol what do you caul a donkey with only 3 legs wonkey

i cowboy rides into a town on friday stays a night and rides out on friday how does he do it his horse was named friday

how much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a would (chuck )couldnt chuck wood but it could if it had another would (chuck) (chuck) to help it chuck wood the answer 3 () how ga y ross A three legged dog limps into a cowboy saloon. He looks around and says, "I'm lookin for the man who shot my paw". "Doc, you've gotta help me! My wife just isn't interested in sex
anymore. Haven't you got a pill or something I can give her?"

"Look, I can't prescribe..."

"Doc, we've been friends for years. Have you ever seen me this upset? I'm desperate! I can't think; I can't concentrate; my life is going utterly to hell! You've got to help me."

The doctor opens his desk drawer and removes a small bottle of pills. "Ordinarily, I wouldn't do this. These are experimental; the tests so far indicate that they're VERY powerful. Don't give her more than ONE, understand? Just ONE."

"I don't know, doc; she's awfully cold..."

"One. No more. In her coffee. Okay?"

"Um... okay."

He thanks the doc and heads for home where his wife has dinner
waiting. When dinner is finished, she goes to the kitchen to
bring dessert. He pulls the pills from his pocket and drops one into his wife's coffee. He thinks for a moment, hesitates, then drops in a second pill. And then he begins to worry. The doctor did say they were powerful.

Then an inspiration strikes... he drops one pill into his own
coffee. His wife returns and they enjoy their dessert and coffee. Sure enough, a few minutes after they finish, his wife shudders a
little, sighs deeply and heavily, and a strange look enters her
eyes. In a near-whisper and in a tone of voice he has never heard her use before, she looks at him seductively and says, "I need a man... Right now!!"

His eyes glitter, and his hands tremble as he replies,
"Me too..." okay, I'll lay my best ones.

how do you end global warming?
introduce beano gas-X to the southern states.

Why did the Italian restaurant in India get shut down?
they were stuffing Ravi Oli with cheese, boiled Rohini and served her with meat sauce, forcing salad into a disha, and keeping their best friends in boxes, and serving them as a parmisan.

There are two colleagues, one from India, and the other from Italy. They are sitting around, smoking a hooka. The Italian starts coughing, and says "Theres-a too much ash-a ineyer hookah." "Whot!" says the Indian. "Theres-a too much ash-a ineyer hookah." so the indian calls the fire department, screaming "My dotairs een my hookah!" the italian was in the bathroom relaxing. He comes out to find a fireman, and his friend shouting, "Daddys cumin"(the spice). The firemen breaks open the hookah, to find nothing but ash. the indian says "Yoo evol man, yoo told me my dotair was een my hookah, and now eets broke." "I said you have ash-a in your hookah, nota asha" the indian says "asha, not asha, im cofused." "Ima outta here" says the italian.

why does everyone think middle eastern men have urine fetishes?
because they love chick pees.

how do you bore a woman?
clean the house for them

why are doctors men, and nurses women?
because men would rather sit around and tell everyone what to do, where women would rather be directed, and do all the work.

Why do kids sit around watching paint dry?
because its better than sitting through economics.

why is discrimination okay?
because the pope says it is.

what do you call The jerry springer show during the reformation?
Catholic Priest live.

there is a man picking up glasses, and the lady assisting him says, "Im sorry, but none of the glasses are wide enought for your nose." the man says "Come on lady, help outta brotha."

what do you call your wife who had an affair?
your whormer wife.

why does santa get Monica Lewinskis attention?
because he always says ho ho ho, merry christmas Blond Secretary and subtraction ...



A banker confused about maths, ask his blond secretary:

"If I give you $3 million less 17%, how much would you take off?"

She replies:

"Everything sir, the dress, bra and panty...." It's long but it's funny at the end... might make u happy for few sec :)


A husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

"Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

"OK," he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Charlie, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers.

As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground .

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.
The Policeman, thinks I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

Shaking the old man is barely able to reply, "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence..."


*If that still does not make you happy... u can check this video i come across while surfing... very funny
:-D
http://somethingtolaugh.blogspot.com/...

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