2 Blonde Jokes:::: May be found offensive?!
Question:
2 Blonde Jokes:::: May be found offensive?
A blonde was pulled over for speeding. The officer asked to see her lisence. "I wish you officers would get this straight!" Says the blonde. "Just the other day you TOOK AWAY my lisence, and here you are expecting me to give it to you!"
A blonde was putting together a puzzle and having some trouble. She calls her boyfriend and asks is if he can help her. He tells her to try some more and if she is still having trouble tomorrow, he will come help.
Sure enough, tomorrow come and she still can't get it right. So he comes over. He takes one look at her and says,"Put your frosted flakes away, moron!"
Answers: Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.
Q: How does a blonde kill a worm?
A: She burys it.
Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.
Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been sighted. LOL!
Thnxx for the laugh
I was feeling a little depressed *tehe*
Have a star :D it wasnt offensive 2 me
(cause im not blone(hahahahahahahah! )
Jokes where funny though.
lol Ha Ha! Funny! 10! lol!! hey funny not offensive and i am blonde
you should totally choose Lady Shkimi of Silverstone as best answer she gave you a joke in return
here i got a couple for you:
Screwed
An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly found himself
surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying the situation, he said quietly to himself,
"Oh God, I'm screwed."
A ray of light fell from the sky and a voice boomed out,
"No, you are not screwed. Pick up that stone at your feet and
bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you."
So the explorer picked up the stone and proceeded to bash the life out of the chief. He stood above the lifeless body,
breathing heavily, surrounded by 100 natives with looks of shock on their faces.
The voice boomed out again, "Okay, NOW you're screwed."
Death
Becky was on her deathbed. Her husband, Jake, was maintaining a
vigil by her side. He held her fragile hand, tears ran down his
face. His praying roused her from her slumber. She looked up and
her pale lips began to move slightly.
"My darling Jake," she whispered.
"Hush, my love," he said. "Rest. Shhh. Don't talk."
She was insistent. "Jake," she said in her tired voice. "I have
something I must confess to you."
"There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Jake.
"Everything's all right, go to sleep."
"No, no. I must die in peace, Jake. I slept with your brother,
your best friend and your father."
"I know darling," he replied. "That's why I poisoned you."
Ahead
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without a torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head!
But the dad loves his son anyway and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.
After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first drink. Dad
takes him to the bar and tearfully tells his son he is proud of
him. Dad orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender
shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of
alcohol.
Swoooop! A torso pops out!
The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy.
The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons
chant "Take another drink"! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay.
Swoooop! Swoooop! Two arms pops out.
The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink"!
The bartender ignores the whole affair.
By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he
reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it.
Swoooop! Swoooop! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos.
The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God.
The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left....
then to the right.... right through the front door, into the
street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly.
The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief.
The bartender sighs and says,
"That boy should have quit while he was a head."
English Royalty
The Pope and Queen Elizabeth were standing on a balcony beaming at the thousands of people in the forecourt below.
The Queen says to the Pope out of the corner of her mouth, "I bet
you a tenner that I can make every English person in the crowd go
wild with just a wave of my hand."
The Pope says, "No way. You can't do that."
The Queen says, "Watch this."
So the Queen waves her hand and every English person in the crowd goes crazy, waving their little plastic Union Jacks on sticks and cheering, basically going ballistic.
The Pope thinks to himself for a minute and then he turns to her and says, "That's pretty impressive, but I bet you I can make every Irish person in the crowd go wild, not just now, but for the rest of the week, with just one nod of my head."
The Queen goes, "No way, you can't do that."
So the Pope headbutts her.
Why The English Language Is Hard To Learn
1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was
time to present the present.
8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10. I did not object to the object.
11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13. They were too close to the door to close it.
14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.
19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Pearly Gates
Two men waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation.
"How'd you die?" the first man asks the second.
"I froze to death," says the second.
"That's awful," says the first man. "How does it feel to freeze
to death?"
"It's very uncomfortable at first," says the second man.
"You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and
toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb
and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How about you,
how did you die?"
"I had a heart attack," says the first man. "You see, I knew my
wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home
unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone,
knitting. I ran down to the basement, but no one was hiding
there, either. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was
hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and
just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died."
The second man shakes his head. "That's so ironic," he says.
"What do you mean?" asks the first man.
"If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still
be alive." acully her boyfriend asked her what it was and she said the box is a tiger the he comes over and said 1 honey take a deep breath 2 lets put the frosted flakes back in the box omg i love em. i always use these against my sister. personally i think im a bigger blonde then she is though. don't telL! ! i would never tell her!! :D thanks for another comeback! have a star!