I need to hear some jokes, or something funny, please?!
Question:
I need to hear some jokes, or something funny, please?
Answers: Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really annoyed
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday. Okay:
If they throw rice at weddings in america....
Then what do they throw at weddings in Japan?
Hamburgers!
-hoPE yOU LiKED it.... lol :) What is the black stuff between elephants toe nails?
Slow natives
Why does th ocean roar?
You would roar too i you had crabs on your bottom. Why did the orange only roll half way down the hill?
it ran out of juice
(o_o) cheers go to the mall and sit there and look at people noise;s and you will stared laughting soon! Some sequels which should never have been made:
Jaws 2, Grace and Favour, George W. Bush
God looks down on the Earth and the mess man has made of it and decides enough is enough. He calls up Tony Blair, Vladamir Putin and George dubyah Bush. When they arrive he tells them 'You are the most important men in the world. I have decided to destroy it tomorrow and start afresh. Go down and tell your people.'
When Tony gets back to Britain he tells everyone 'I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that there is a god. The bad new news is He's going to destroy the world tomorrow.'
Putin arrives in Russia and says 'I've got some bad news and some even worse news. The bad news is there is a god - we've been wrong for years. The even worse news is He's going to destroy the world tomorrow.'
George rushes back to his office, grabs his megaphone, rushes outside and yells 'I got some good news and some great news. The good news is there is a god. The great news is He thinks I'm one of the most important men in the world!'
Mr. Rabbit and Mr. Bear were never good friends. One day, they are walking along and they find a magic lamp. When they rub it, a genie pops out and says that since there are two of them; they get 3 wishes a piece. Mr. Bear pushes Mr. Rabbit out of the way and says he is going first.
‘I wish that there were no male bears in the forest and all the female bears were mine.’
The rabbit thinks for a while and says ‘I want a crash helmet.’
Instantly, there are no more male bears in the forest and Mr. Rabbit has a crash helmet.
‘I wish there were no more male bears in America!’ says Mr. Bear.
Mr. Rabbit ponders a bit more and then says ‘I wish for a super fast motorcycle.’
Once again, there are no more male bears in America and Mr. Rabbit has a super fast motorcycle.
‘Okay, you have one more wish each, so choose carefully.’ the genie warns them.
Mr. Bear says ‘I wish there were no more male bears in the WORLD!!!’
So, the genie waves his wand and there are no more male bears in the world.
Mr. Rabbit puts on his crash helmet, hops on his motorcycle, revs it up and as he is just about to ride off into the distance he yells ‘I WISH MR. BEAR WAS GAY!’
I'm afraid this one isn't 100% realistic -
George Bush is visiting the Queen. He asks her
'Your Majesty, howdo you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?'
'Well,' says the Queen, 'the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.'
George frowns. 'But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?'
The Queen takes a sip of tea. 'Oh that's easy. You just ask them an intelligence riddle.'
She pushes a button on her intercom. 'Please send the Prime Minister in here, would you?'
Tony walks into the room. 'Your Majesty...'
The Queen smiles. 'Answer me this please, Tony. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?'
Without pausing for a moment, Tony answers 'That would be me!'
'Yes, very good.' says the Queen.
Back at the White House George calls in vic president, Dick.
'Dick, answer this for me. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?'
'I'm not sure, let me get back to you on that one.'
Dick goes to his advisers and asks everyone, but none can give him an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognises Colin's shoes in the next stall. He shouts
'Colin! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?'
Colin yells back 'That's easy, it's me!'
Dick smiles. 'Thanks!'
He goes back to the Oval Office to speak with George.
Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Colin Powell.'
George gets up, stomps over to Dick and yells in his face,
'No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!' a blond walks into a bar another blond walks into the same bar a brunnettes about to walk into the bar but ducks An Englishman, A Scotsman and An Irishman walk into a bar
The barman says "Is this some kind of joke?"