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Answers: David Steel, Lib Dem leader a few years back at their conference."Go home and prepare for government". I still laugh about that one.

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Some people are like slinkys; they have no practical value, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

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Ignorant people are like broken ATM machines. Every time you give them a dollar you get no change.

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Crazy is a relative term in my family!

Men, chocolate, and coffee are all better rich.

"Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

"Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to."

Caution, Blind Man Driving.

"Never think about the mistakes you made. Think about the mistakes you will make."

All trespassers will be shot on sight. All survivors will then be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Have a nice day!

"To learn to succeed, you must first learn to fail."-Michael Jordan

Best friends are the people that know all about and still put up with you!

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

Half the people you know are below average.

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film!

42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
2 hours ago - 3 days left to answer.
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2 hours ago

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.

I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking.
2 hours ago

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

The only reason I am always listening to music is to drownd out the sound of your voice!~

Drive carefully, 90% of people are accidents.

"Careful with that light at the end of the tunnel, it might be another train coming."

"don't drink and drive you might spill your beer"

If you can't fix it with duck tape you have'nt used enough

Love is like a rose in winter, only the strong survive

Smile, and the world will smile with you. Laugh and they'll all think your on drugs.

I'll be sober tomorrow but you'll be ugly for the rest of your life.

"Where there's a will, there's a way. And where there's a way, then there's usually a stop sign somewhere along the road."

I'm scared to fall in love, scared to fall fast, because everytime i fall in love.....it never seems to last

Silence is silver, but music is gold...

Lifes Tough, get a helmet!

loved by some, hated by many, envied by
2 hours ago

loved by some, hated by many, envied by most, yet wanted by plenty!

"I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on ebay."

Constipated People Don't Give A crap.

If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.

The Earth Is Full - Go Home.

So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time.

Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.

If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?

Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

Illiterate? Write For Help

Honk If Anything Falls Off.

Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes.

He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost, But Miles From The Next Exit.

You! Out Of The Gene Pool - Now!

I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.

Fight Crime: Shoot Back!

Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph Are Also Timed For 70 mph

Guys: No Shirt, No Service. Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
2 hours ago

Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS

I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...

Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay

Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either

Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved

Dain bramaged

Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster

Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!

Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny

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Friendship is like peeing your pants - everyone can see it but only you get the warm feeling it brings

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-People, are like slinkys, basically useless, but yet it still brings a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

-Dolphins, dont trust a species thats always smiling.

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Three men walked into a bar, but the fourth one ducked...

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The beatings will continue until morale improves!

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Difference between in laws and out laws is that out laws are wanted.

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The Ability to speak does not make you Intelligent.

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