I'm in the laughing mood?!
Question: whoever makes me laugh the hardest wins best answer................ guys I've had a hard week, I need a good laugh!!!!!!!
Answers: whoever makes me laugh the hardest wins best answer................ guys I've had a hard week, I need a good laugh!!!!!!!
A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life. A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl" The man says: - "But I am not a New Yorker!" "Oh ,then it will say in newspapers in the morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" – the policeman answers. "But I am not an American!" – says the man. "Oh, what are you then? " The man says: - "I am a Saudi !" The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog.
these are ones i posted an hour ago,they're hilarious:
One day Little Susie got her "monthly bleeding" for the first time in her life. Having failed to understand what was going on and being really frightened, she decided to share her trouble with little Johnny.
Having found Johnny she told and showed him what her problem was.
Johnny's face grew serious and he said, "You know, I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"
A little boy was lost at a large shopping mall.
He approached a uniformed security guard and said, "I've lost my grandpa!"
The cop asked, "What's he like?"
The little boy replied, "Jack Daniels and women with big boobs
A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.
"You know what?" says the 6 year old. "I think it's about time we started cussing."
The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with 'hell' and you say something with '***.'" The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
When their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, Hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."
WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can just stay there until I let you out!"
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks
with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young
man?"
"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat *** it won't be Cheerios!"
yo mamma is so stupid, she tripped over a cordless phone!
(sorry. its lame, but it made be laugh today!)
a brunette, a red head, and a blonde are in a burning building. the firemen on the ground are holding a blanket and they yell up to the brunette, "jump its the only way you'll live!"
so she jumps and just before she reaches the blanket they move it and she crashes to the ground. then they yell up to the redhead, "jump its the only way you'll live!"
but the red head says to them, "no, you'll just move the blanket again." so they tell her, "no we won't. we dont like brunettes, but red heads are fine."
so she jumps and just before she reaches the blanket they move it and she crashes to the ground. then they yell up to the blonde, "jump, its the only way you'll live!"
but the blonde tells them, "no, you will move the blanket. so just set it down and back away"
Yellow!
Pharmacy
A man comes into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist: "Can you give me some sugar?"
The pharmacist gives him a bag of sugar. After wards, the man asks: "Could you also give me a spoon?"
The pharmacist gives him a spoon. Thereupon the man puts sugar on the spoon, pulls out a small flask out of his jacket and puts also 5 drops from the flask on the spoon. Finally he says to the pharmacist: "Can you try this?" The pharmacist puts the spoon into his mouth, swallows the sugar with the drops and asks: "What was that good for?"
The man answers: "My doctor said I should go to the pharmacy and let my urine be tested for sugar!"
What did Count Dracula say to the waitress who gave him his order of blade steak cooked well done?
Where's the blood? I like my meat bloody, bleeding rare!
What does Satan and the Hot Foods Manager of a poorly kept grocery store have in common?
They both roast the gutless, souless chicken in the fire, and shove their pitch forks down the ribs of pigs and throw them into the fire.
Why was the skeleton running away from the dogs?
Because the dogs wanted to bury his bones in the ground.