Does anyone have any jokes-funny stories?!
Question: do you guys have any funny things to talk about,cuz i feel like listening to funny stories right now.
Answers: do you guys have any funny things to talk about,cuz i feel like listening to funny stories right now.
Here you go...
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"
He stumbles into the kitchen and sure enough, there is a hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee, and the morning newspaper all waiting for him. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 in the morning, drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh THAT! Well, Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,'Leave me alone, I'm married!'"
Or this......?
A rich guy was looking for excitement so he decided to put an ad in the newspaper.
The ad said, "I will give $10,000 to any person that can make my elephant jump."
So the next day, people came from all over the world to try to get this elephant to jump.
There were even hypnotists who tried, but no one could get that elephant to jump.
Then a guy drives up in a blue Corvette and said, "Are you the guy with the ad?"
The rich guy replied yes. Then the guy asked, "Is that your elephant?" "Yes." The rich man replies.
Then the guy went back to his car. He returned with a 2 by 4.
He walked behind the elephant and hit the elephant right in his balls! That elephant jumped a good 8 feet in the air.
The rich guy, amazed, handed him the $10,000. The guy then got in his Corvette and drove off.
The next week the rich guy decides to put another ad in the paper.
The ad said, "I will give anyone $20,000 to make my elephant turn his head from side to side."
The man had seen his elephant's head move up and down but never from side to side.
People come from all over the world to try to get this elephant to make his head turn from side to side.
No one could do it. When everyone left, the same guy in the same Corvette drives up.
He walked up to the elephant and said, "Do you remember me?"
The elephant nodded his head up and down. Then the man asked, "Do you want me to do it again?"
The elephant then shook his head from side to side frantically.