ME SAD any GOOD jokes?!


Question: PLS GIVE ME GD ONES .STAR FOR JOKES THAT MAKE ME LAUGH LIKE I AM IN HEAVEN !!!!


Answers: PLS GIVE ME GD ONES .STAR FOR JOKES THAT MAKE ME LAUGH LIKE I AM IN HEAVEN !!!!

Hope this can cheer you up...

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts i t over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Arlene: What in the hell is that?

Jane: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Arlene: Where did you get it?

Jane: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."

The pharmacist fainted.

Or this...

This woman is about to board a bus, but when she steps up, she realizes that her skirt is too tight, and she can't lift her leg to board. So, she reaches around behind her and lowers her zipper a bit and tries again.

Skirt's still too tight, so she reaches behind her and lowers her zipper some more, and tries again. She still can't get on, so she reaches back and lowers the zipper a bit more. She tries to step up, and feels two hands on her butt push her up onto the bus. She spins around and says, "Sir, I don't know you well enough for you to do that!"

He says, "Lady, I sure don't know you well enough for you to lower my zipper three times."

calculus and alcahol don't mix- never drink and derive

Why was the Chicken afraid to cross the Road?
'Cause the Slaughterhouse was on the other side!

BLONDE JOKE: A blonde got a job on a farm. The farmer said "I'm going out in the field today, and a man is coming to inseminate one of the cows. I'll put a nail over her stall so you know which one."
When the man came out he said "What's the nail for?"
The blonde said: "I guess it's to hang your pants on."

iunno if you heard this one ut here i gooo...


okay this lady had bad teeth so she went to the dentist. she was nervous about going, and she told he dentist that, so he told her a story about how they made rubber glovess. he says, "so this is how they make gloves. they stick their hands in some gooey liquid rubber stuff, then walk around with their hands sticking out for about 2 hours to dry!" the old lady didnt say a word. not even a giggle. 5 mins later she bursts out laughing saying, " I JUST THOUGHT ABOUT HOW CONDOMS WERE MADE!!!!....LMFAO!"







thought this made you laugh, sure made me laugh. =D

What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?

A. A salad shooter.

What do you call a pig that does karate?

A. A pork chop of course...

What do ducks eat with their soup?

Quackers!



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