One for the women (sorry its only a joke)?!
Question: How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Internet
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman
How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.
How do you p*ss off a female archaeologist??
Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it comes from.
How is a woman like a condom?
Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your d1ck.
What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.
Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of t1ts in there.
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.
Why did God create woman ?
To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.
Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.
What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.
If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
Women will never be equal to men...
until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
Answers: How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Internet
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman
How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.
How do you p*ss off a female archaeologist??
Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it comes from.
How is a woman like a condom?
Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your d1ck.
What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.
Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of t1ts in there.
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.
Why did God create woman ?
To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.
Why do women fake orgasms ?
Because they think men care.
What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.
If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
Women will never be equal to men...
until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
i cant stop laughing!!!
you get a star!
how rude ha ha
Err...
What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.
and
If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long
Don't like those much.
hardi har har,
Ya know though you could leave out ones about physical abuse (...Black eyes...) it just ain't cool or funny.
cheers
Thought I was tired, now I have read that I know I must be cos you bored me to tears!
Sorry no star! :-D
Some were smile-worthy...
but most were cruel...
Ya'll (used loosely) lucky they're around to put up with ya'll's (used loosely again) lazy a**es...
If ya'll (used loosely) didn't screw up so much, maybe they wouldn't NAG!
Lol.
So tough to abuse a woman, but afraid of a man obviously hitting on your woman and saying "You deserve better."
Not to you... But to guys who think this is funny and rather familiar because they do it...
~ khamani jonas (nick) ?
lol
Some are very funny, thanks for the laugh ....have a star :)
xD xD xD
Some of them are sooooo gooood!!!
'Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.' lol
xD xD xD
so true well done.Have a star
and why is the word WO in WO-man
There are some great ones in there, the waist one had me laughing out loud, and my wife wanted to know what was so funny! I`ll have to shorten the chain a bit more!
some of them actually made a burst out in laughter!