I'm bored any body know some funny jokes?!


Question: There was this guy sunbathing in the nude at the beach. Well, this little girl comes up to him, so he covers his private parts with a newspaper.

The little girl says, "What's under there?"

So the man answers, "A bird."

The girl goes away and the man falls asleep.

When he wakes up, he is in a hospital and in great pain.

A doctor comes up to his bed and asks, "What happened?"
The man answers, "I don't know. I was at the beach and I fell asleep after talking to a little girl."

So the doctor tells this to the Police, and they go to the beach to find any witnesses.

When they get there, they see the little girl the man was talking about. So they ask her if she did anything to the man.

She answers, " I didn't do anything to the man, but while he was sleeping, I played with his bird.

After a while, it spit at me, so I broke its neck, burned its nest, and smashed all its eggs.


Answers: There was this guy sunbathing in the nude at the beach. Well, this little girl comes up to him, so he covers his private parts with a newspaper.

The little girl says, "What's under there?"

So the man answers, "A bird."

The girl goes away and the man falls asleep.

When he wakes up, he is in a hospital and in great pain.

A doctor comes up to his bed and asks, "What happened?"
The man answers, "I don't know. I was at the beach and I fell asleep after talking to a little girl."

So the doctor tells this to the Police, and they go to the beach to find any witnesses.

When they get there, they see the little girl the man was talking about. So they ask her if she did anything to the man.

She answers, " I didn't do anything to the man, but while he was sleeping, I played with his bird.

After a while, it spit at me, so I broke its neck, burned its nest, and smashed all its eggs.

Duct tape is exactly like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

What did the alien say to the gardener?
Take me to your weeder!

Yo Mama is like a bus, she's big she doesn't smell very good and it's only a dollar to ride.


Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?"
His mother replies, "The stork brings them."

Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who f*** the stork?"

I got this from my spanish teacher:
What did Obi Won(sp?) say to LUke?
Use the FORCE

Hope this can make you giggle a bit...

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"

"Only one kiss per yard," replied the smirking male clerk.

"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then teasingly held it out.

The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her. "Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled.

or maybe this?

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.

You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch...you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband...

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1: These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2: These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3: These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4: These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5: These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6: You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!



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