BORED!!!! tell me something??? Anything?!
Question: Okay tell me a funny joke, I want to see how many people answer this question???
Best answer, will get the points.
: )
Answers: Okay tell me a funny joke, I want to see how many people answer this question???
Best answer, will get the points.
: )
You're so screwed up not even Home Depot likes you.
?,
K
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his
> wife stayed at home.
>
> He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed,
> "Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in eight hours while
> my wife merely stays at home.
>
> I want her to know what I go through, so please create a trade
> in our bodies."
>
> God, in His infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
>
> The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
>
> He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set
> out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their
> lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry
> cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to
> draw out money to pay the power bill and telephone bill, drove
> to the power company and the phone company and paid the bills,
> went grocery shopping, came home and put away the groceries. He
> cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.
>
> Then it was already 1:00 p.m. and he hurried to make the beds,
> do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen
> floor. He ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an
> argument with them on the way home. He set out cookies and milk
> and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the
> ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
>
> At 4:30 PM he began peeling potatoes and washed greens for
> salads, breaded the chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.
>
> After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded
> laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9:00 PM he
> was exhausted and though his chores weren't finished, he went to
> bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get
> through without complaint.
>
> The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and
> said, " Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong
> to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day.
>
> Please, O Lord please, let us trade back."
>
> The Lord, in His infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you
> have learned your lesson, and I will be happy to change things
> back to the way they were.
>
> You'll have to wait 9 months, though.
>
> You got pregnant last night!!!"
i have a *****
sorry i don't have any jokes and won't get the points but i love your question
Guy called his boss and said,
"Boss, I need to go see an eye doctor."
Boss says, "Why's that?"
Guys says, "I can't see me coming in to work today."
Joggers
A man had been driving all night and by morning was still
far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next
city he came to and park somewhere quiet so he could get an
hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place
he chose happened to be on one of the city's major jogging
routes.
No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a
knocking on his window.
He looked out and saw a jogger running in place.
"Yes?"
"Excuse me, sir," the jogger said, "do you have the time?"
The man looked at the car clock and answered, "8:15."
The jogger said thanks and left. The man settled back again
and was just dozing off when there was another knock on the
window and another jogger.
"Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?"
"8:25!"
The jogger said thanks and left. Now the man could see other
joggers passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time
before another one disturbed him.
To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and put a
sign in his window saying, "I do not know the time!"
Once again he settled back to sleep. He was just dozing off
when there was another knock on the window.
"Sir? It's 8:45."
Only in America :)
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
What did the boy mushroom say to the girl mushroom?
I'm a fungi...
anything
what did one word say to the other?
we're on the same page. right?
u should -------->come<------ with us tonight so we can have some fun doing the stuff we enjoy doing the most.
that just popped in my head.
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and it immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.
She starts to lose consciousness, but to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.
or this?
Girl: “Forgive me father for I have sinned.”
Priest: “What have you done my child?”
Girl: “I called a man a son of a BlTCH.”
Priest: “Why did you call him a son of a BlTCH?”
Girl: “Because he touched my hand.”
Priest: “Like this?” (as he touches her hand)
Girl: “Yes father.”
Priest: “That’s no reason to call a man a son of a BlTCH.”
Girl: “Then he touched my breast.”
Priest: “Like this?” (as he touched her breast)
Girl: “Yes father.”
Priest: “That’s no reason to call him a son of a BlTCH.”
Girl: “Then he took off my clothes, father.”
Priest: “Like this?” (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: “Yes father.”
Priest: “That’s no reason to call him a son of a BlTCH.”
Girl: “Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where.”
Priest: “Like this?” (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: “YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!”
Priest: (after a few minutes): “That’s no reason to call him a son of a BlTCH.”
Girl: “But father he had AIDS!”
Priest: “THAT SON OF A BlTCH!!!”
One day a man was waking along the beach when he tripped over a lamp. He turned around and kicked the lamp out of anger. A few seconds later, a genie popped out of the lamp, but the genie was angry that the man had kicked his lamp.
Reluctantly, the genie said, "Even though you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However because of what you did, I will also give twice what you wish for to the person you hate the most: your boss."
So the man agreed and made his first wish. "I want lots of money", he said. Instantly 22 million dollars appear in the man's bank account and 44 million appeared in his boss' account.
For his second wish, the man wished for a couple of sports cars. Instantly a Lambergini, Ferrari and a Porsche appeared, but at the same time outside his boss' house appeared two of each car.
Finally the genie said, "This is your last wish, you should choose carefully", and so the man replied... "I've always wanted to donate a kidney..."