What's the best joke you've got?!
Question: I usually never smile but this joke made me crack up. Please read.
There was a guy that came to visit New York( from texes). He moved because he wanted to see his best friend. In New York 2 of them went to eat outside. The texes guy left his horse outside the resturant. Time passed and then his horse was missing. There were many people, he knew one of them stole his horse. So he said Yo i know one of you stole my horse, i'm going to finish my meal and if my horse isn't here i'm going to do what i did in Texes, and i don't like what i did in Texes and i don't want to do it again. He left and when he finished his meal, he went and his horse was there. In the ride home his friend asked, so what did you do in texes he said i had to go home.
Answers: I usually never smile but this joke made me crack up. Please read.
There was a guy that came to visit New York( from texes). He moved because he wanted to see his best friend. In New York 2 of them went to eat outside. The texes guy left his horse outside the resturant. Time passed and then his horse was missing. There were many people, he knew one of them stole his horse. So he said Yo i know one of you stole my horse, i'm going to finish my meal and if my horse isn't here i'm going to do what i did in Texes, and i don't like what i did in Texes and i don't want to do it again. He left and when he finished his meal, he went and his horse was there. In the ride home his friend asked, so what did you do in texes he said i had to go home.
knock knock..whos there..boo..boo who?..Boo who whatcha cryin about
haha
yo mama is so fat when she went on a diet mcdonalds went out of buisness
and there is an iraqi and a north korean in a car whos driving? A COP
Horse walks into a bar.
Barman says "Why the long face"?
Your Questions are the BEST JOKES !!
wanna hear a dirty joke?
the pig fell in the mud
wanna hear a clean joke?
the pig took a bath
once their is 1,2,3and 4
It's Colonel Smith's first day at a new base in Saudi Arabia, and the company clerk is showing him around the camp. They tour the entire base and the clerk shows him around and points out every building of interest. At the end of the tour, the Colonel says, "What about that little stable over there? What's that for?"
"Well," says the clerk, and looks at the ground in embarassment, "you may have noticed there aren't any women on the base. You see, we keep a camel in that there stable, so that when the men get their urges they can --"
The Colonel holds up his hand, shakes his head and cuts off the clerk midsentence. "PLEASE! Say no more. I get the point."
Well, as you can imagine, after a few weeks on the base the Colonel too felt the need for a woman, and so he found himself at the clerk's desk one Saturday afternoon. "Tell me," the Colonel said in a whisper, looking over his shoulder to be sure no one else could hear, "is the camel free this afternoon?"
The clerk checks his appointment book and nods in the affirmative. "How about I schedule you in for 2:00?"
The Colonel nods and walks away. At 2:00 he makes his way to the stable, walks in, and gently closes the door behind him. He finds a small stepping stool nearby, moves it behind the camel, and climbs onto it. Then he lowers his trousers, and begins, well, making love to the camel.
Just as he's nearing his peak, the door opens suddenly and the Colonel spins around in shock and embarrassment to see the clerk standing there with a big grin on his face. As the Colonel begins to yell for him to leave, the clerk interrupts him with a quizzical look on his face.
"Begging your pardon, sir, but wouldn't it have been simpler for you to just ride the camel into town to find a woman, like the other men do?"
my mom told me this one about my sister's friend:
mom: he's hiding a key in his shoe.
me: what do you mean?
mom: the key to his closet.
pure hilarity
a black man sees genie and gets 3 wishes.1st wish he wished he was white. 2nd wish he wanted water.3rd wish he wanted to see butts. he gets turned into a toilet lol.
There was a blonde and a burnette walking......
Burnette:Awww...look at that dead bird
The Blond look up and says "Where?"
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans.
He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on
him.
One day, he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would
marry, he thought to himself, "She'll never go through with the marriage with me
carrying on like this," so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Shortly after that they were married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they
lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he would be late because
he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma
of baked beans overwhelmed him.
Since he still had several miles to walk, he figured he could walk off any ill
effects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving, had
three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he farted. By the
time he arrived home, he felt reasonably safe.
His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed,
"Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!"
She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table
and made him promise not to peek.
At this point, he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife
was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise
not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone. While she
was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go.
It was not only loud, but as stinky as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing,
so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him.
He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg
and RRIIIPPPP! It sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep
from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate.
He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon winner-the windows shook, the
dishes on the table rattled, and a minute later, the flowers on the table were dead.
While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway, and keeping his
promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for the next 10 minutes,
farting and fanning each time with his napkin. When he heard the phone farewells,
he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling
contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in.
Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table.
After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled,
"SURPRISE!"
To his shock and horror, there were 12 dinner guests seated around the table for
his surprise birthday party.
ok its a blonde guy joke :
there was a blonde guy going to work. He parked his car in the parkinggarage, and he heads in to his office. 8 hours later when he gets off work he goes to his car only to find a guy trying to steal it! He looks at the car jacker and says "umm sir..." but before he can finish the car jacker says "shut up and get in the circle!" so the blonde guy steps into the circle as he is told.... a couple of minutes later the blonde guy starts laughing the car jacker yells" WAT R U LAUGHING ABOUT????" the blonde guy kind of giggles and replies "while u weren't looking I stepped out of the circle..."
Your momma is so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger popped out of George Washington's nose!
Person Asking: Did you hear about that actress being stabbed on the red carpet, she was on legally blonde, just like heaven etc... Reece...erm?
Other person:Oh Reece Witherspoon!
Person asking: No with a knife!
and another...
3 men working, english man, an irish man and a scotish man.
They all work at a building site and they open their lunch boxes for dinner, and the english man says, oh im sick of ham if i get it tomorrow i'll throw myself off that building. The scotish man says, oh not cheese again, if i have cheese tomorow i'll jump off with ya.
the irish man says oh, not lettace and tomato again, i'll join ya both if i have that tomorrow,,,,
A few days later and their wives are at the funeral the english mans wife says, he should of just told me.
the scotish mans wife says i cant believe it he should of said something. and the irish mans wife says, don't look at me, HE made his own sandwhitches.....
sorry if offended.
There were three hunters in the woods they find tracks. One says these are bear tracks. the other says these are deer tracks. the third never got to say anything because he was run over by a train.
Its stupid, I know, but whatever
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."
Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay, " says the lawyer, "your turn".
She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00.
The blonde says, "Thank you, " and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.