Why Am I Married? Jokes?!


Question: (This is only a joke, so please don't get offended).

For all married, sort of married, soon to be married, and soon to be unmarried people......Too funny!!!!!!!!

WHY AM I MARRIED? You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
"Husband Wanted".
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."

When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.

A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."


Answers: (This is only a joke, so please don't get offended).

For all married, sort of married, soon to be married, and soon to be unmarried people......Too funny!!!!!!!!

WHY AM I MARRIED? You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
"Husband Wanted".
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."

When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished.

A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

cool let me add a little something


The Man Dictionary


"IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected
with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."


"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"


"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.


"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I have no idea how it works."


"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST
THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Translated: "That girl standing on the
corner is a real babe."


"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."


"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"


"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the
address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle
identification numbers of every car I've ever
owned, but I forgot your birthday."


"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU,
AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES."
Translated: "The girl selling them on the
corner was a real babe."


"OH, DON'T FUSS - I JUST CUT MYSELF,
IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "I have actually severed a limb,
but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."


"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched
hands, so I'm completely clueless."


"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"


"I HEARD YOU."
Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what
you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it
well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."


"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me,
and realize it could be worse."


"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Translated: "Oh, God, please don't try on one
more outfit, I'm starving."


"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."

Haha! Those are pretty good, I especially thought this one was great:

"When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him."

So true! And it can apply the other way around, too!

lovely..lollollolollol..

LOL, I've heard a few of them, but they still make me laugh, especially the classified ads one, the Woman's Prayer, and the talk in your sleep one. :D Thanks! I needed the laughs.

P.S. Thanks to Nicole for the translations, too! Those were great!

those were good ones... and this is for u

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy

FUNNY

lol



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