What is the funniest blond joke you ever heard... 10 points?!
Question: i need this for homework
Answers: i need this for homework
(1) Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the pavement and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror, and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." She hands it to the second blonde. The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
(2) A blonde brags about her knowledge of American state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead; ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh that's easy... it's W!"
(3) A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch.
"Wow!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was trampled on by an elephant! Are you OK, ma'am?"
"Why, yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving along this road, when from out of nowhere this tree popped up in front of me, so I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was another tree! I swerved to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was...."
"Uh, madam," the officer said, cutting her off as he looked inside the car, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air-freshener swinging back and forth."
(4) Returning home from work, a blonde was astonished to see that she had been robbed. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer aproached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, and then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen! I call the police for help,and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"
5)There are two blondes standing on opposite sides of a river, one blonde yells to the other 'Hey how do you get to the other side!!' the other blonde replies 'Idiot!! You are on the other side!!!'
6)A group of blondes walk into a bar. One of the women tells the bartender to line up a row of drinks for all of them. The gals lift their glasses and toast, "Here's to 51 days!" and they proceed to down their drinks. Once again, they tell the bartender to "line 'em up", and once again they toast 51 days and down their drinks.
The bartender says, "I don't get it. Why in the world are you toasting 51 days?"
One of the blondes explains, "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. It had written on the box '2-4 years,' but we finished it in 51 days!"
7)This blonde,brunette and a redhead are escaping from jail. The redhead jumps over the wall and lands with a THUMP. The guard yells "Who's out there?" The redhead says"meow""Oh it's just a cat" The brunette jumps over the wall and lands with a THUMP. The guard yells"who's out there? The brunette says"meow." "Oh it's just that darn cat, get lost you stupid thing." Then the blonde jumps over and lands with a THUMP."Who's out there?" "The blonde yells "It's just that darn cat".
8)A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair -- given that you are blind -- that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blond girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters,
"No ... Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
9)A man was mowing his front yard when his attractive, blonde, female neighbor came
out of the house and went straight to her mailbox. She opened the mailbox, looked
inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into her house. A little later, she came
out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and again slammed it
shut. Angrily back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, the blonde came out again. She
marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
She replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I have mail!
10)a blone a brunette and a red head were walking 1 day then a demon jump out and said he would tell them 100 jokes. he told the first and the brunette laughed and died. on the second the red head laughed.then on the 99th question the blonde laughed.the brunette asked her why she laughed and she said i finally got the 1st joke
11)There was a blonde who was sick of all the blonde jokes. One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair. She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep. She stopped and called the sheep herder over.
"Tell you what. I have a proposition for you," said the woman.
"If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?"
"Sure," said the sheep herder. So, she sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied "382". "Wow!" said the herder.
"That is exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home." So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car.
Then, the herder said, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you".
"What is it?" queried the woman.
"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
You spelled Blonde wrong.
why do blonde girls have bruises around there bellybuttons? B/c blonde guys arent that smart either
how many blonde jokes are there?
none they're All True
hahahah
There was a blonde who was tired of all the blonde jokes going around and decided to dye her hair brown.
She then went for a drive in the country and came upon a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.
"Hey, shepherd! If I guess how many sheep there are here, can I keep one?" The shepherd is puzzled but agrees.
Out of the blue, she blurts out "352!" He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick out a sheep. She picks out the cutest one.
He looks at her and says "If I guess what color your hair really is, can I have my dog back?"
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A blonde told her doctor that she was really worried because every part of her body hurt.
The doctor looked concerned and said, "Show me where."
The blonde touched her own arm and screamed, "Ouch!"
Then she touched her leg and screamed, "Ouch!"
She touched her nose and cried, "Ouch!"
She looked at her doctor and said, "See? It hurts everywhere!"
The doctor laughed and said, "Don't worry; it's not serious. You''ve just got a broken index finger."
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Why was the blonde mad when she got her drivers license back?
Because she got an ''F'' in Sex.
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Why did the blonde get fired from her job at the M&M factory?
She threw away all the "W&W's"
ok umm three girls where lost in a desert and one was a red head and one was a brown haired girl and the another was a blonde well a fairy god mother came a said you have three wishes so the red head ask if she go home to live with her dog again so POOF she is gone back home and the Brown haired girl ask if she could go home and live with her family again so POOF she was back home and the blonde asked if she could be back with her friends so POOF POOF the red head and the brown head came back to the desert
Backseat Blonde
A blonde and a guy were out on a date and they ended up at “Lovers Cove” where they were making out.
The guy thought that things were going pretty good and maybe he would get lucky tonight, so he thought that he would ask her if she wanted to go in the back seat.
“NO!” yelled the blonde.
The guy just figured that she wasn’t ready yet. Things got pretty hot and the guy thought he would try again.
“NO!” the blonde yelled again.
Things got even hotter and the blond was down to her bra and the guy even had her pants unzipped.
“Do you wanna go in the back seat yet?” asked the guy.
“For the last time, NO!” said the blonde. Frustrated, the guy asked, “Well, why the hell not?”
The blonde looked at him and said, “Because I wanna stay up here with you.”
This blonde was driving down an old country road when she spots a blonde in a wheat field rowing a boat. She pulls over to the side of the road and stops the car. Staring in disbelief she stands at the side of the road to watch the woman for a while. When she could not stand it any more she called out to the blonde in the field.
“Why are you rowing a boat in the middle of the field?”
The blonde in the field stops rowing and responds, “Because it is an ocean of wheat.”
The blonde standing on the side of the road is furious. She yells at the blonde in the field. “It is blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! And if I could swim, I'd come out there and kick your ***!”