I need a laugh.. Tell me a joke.?!
Question: I don't want to her a weak a$$jokes so make it a good one.
Answers: I don't want to her a weak a$$jokes so make it a good one.
A drunk walks up to the host of a party and asks
do you have green toilet paper that says screw you
the host says no
the drunk goes dam i just wiped my a*s with your parrot
A horse walks into a bar.....
bom chicka wow wow
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
http://www.mightyjokes.com/
Have Fun!!
is your momma a beaver? cuz DAMMMM
=]
10 comandments of marriage
Commandment 1
Marriages are made in heaven. But so are thunder and lightning.
Commandment 2
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word yousay; talk in your sleep.
Commandment 3
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!
Commandment 4
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Commandment 5
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.
Commandment 6
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Commandment 7
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.
Commandment 8
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding
good cook. But the law allows only one wife.
Commandment 9
Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why wives treat husbands like toxic waste.
Commandment 10
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
Bonus Commandment ( Story )
A long married couple came upon a wishing well.
The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The husband decided
to make a wish too. But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and
drowned. The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled,
"It really works!"
Abe's son arrived home from school puffing and panting, sweat rolling down his face.
"Dad, you'll be so proud of me," he said, "I saved a pound by running behind the bus all the way home!"
"Oy Vey!" said Abe, "You could have run behind a taxi and saved ￡10."
A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human
Beings are the only animals that stutter", she says.
A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered", she
volunteered.
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become,
asked the girl to describe the incident.
"Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the
Rottweiler who lives next door got a running start and before we knew
it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!
"That must've been scary", said the teacher.
"It sure was", said the little girl. "My kitty went 'Fffff, Fffff,
Fffff'... and before he could say "F**k," the Rottweiler ate him!"
there was this 22 year old Mexican dude called Paco
who goes to college in Nashville Tennessee who spent all his time drinking and partying that he flunked out.
he messed around on his girlfriend and went to jail for multiple dui's
by the way nick is pissed and Erica's pregnant
wonder whats up with that?