Thank you for youe e-mails ..........?!
Question: Dear All,
My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this
past year........
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one
about rat **** in the glue
on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel
with every envelope that
needs sealing.
Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open
for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a
sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the
1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will
change once I receive the
$15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending
me for participating in their special e-mail program .....
Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who
wants me
to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of
a customer who died intestate.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for
me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you,
I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet
stains.
I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car so a
serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for
which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan .
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine
because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my ***.
And thanks to your great advice,
I can't even pick up the $5.00 I found dropped in the parking
lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting
underneath my car to grab my leg.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest
your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.
I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door
neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has
discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
Answers: Dear All,
My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this
past year........
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one
about rat **** in the glue
on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel
with every envelope that
needs sealing.
Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open
for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a
sick girl (Penny Brown); who is about to die in the hospital for the
1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will
change once I receive the
$15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending
me for participating in their special e-mail program .....
Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who
wants me
to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of
a customer who died intestate.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for
me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
buffalo on a hot day.
Thanks to you,
I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet
stains.
I no longer can buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car so a
serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for
which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan .
Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine
because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my ***.
And thanks to your great advice,
I can't even pick up the $5.00 I found dropped in the parking
lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting
underneath my car to grab my leg.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest
your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.
I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door
neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
By the way....a South American scientist after a lengthy study has
discovered that people with low IQ who have infrequent sexual activity always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
that is the funniest thing i have ever read! thank you x
gee i hate those bloody spam messages! i always get them! >=S
you got me.....what a laugh....that nigerian is always writing to me......
That's very scary.
hahahah XD rofl
phew lucky I was eating and wasn't holding my mouse,I like this so much you can have a star
SO FUNNY! You deserve a joke.
Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory. She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring. The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long consideration the manager hired her.
After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up. The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was. When he arived there the blonde was sewing two marbles into the crotch of every Elmo.
The manager said, ''I said to give each Elmo two test tickles; not two testicles!''
LOL!
My gran always taught me its better to know enough to know that this is a quack quack ups. on your part.