I need a good laugh?!
Question: any funny stories or jokes?
or just say something to make me laugh.
best answer goes to the first one who succeeds in doing so.
Answers: any funny stories or jokes?
or just say something to make me laugh.
best answer goes to the first one who succeeds in doing so.
twas the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was screwing not even a mouse. Mom at the whorehouse, dad smoking grass. I just settled down, for a nice piece of ***. When all of a sudden I herd such a clatter, I sprang from my piece to see twas the matter. When out on the lawn I saw a big Dikc, and in just a moment I knew it was St. Nick. He cam down our chimmney like a bat out a hell, I knew in a moment the fukcer had fell. He filled our stockings with pretzels and beer, plus a nice rubber Dikc for my brother the queer. He went up our chimmney with a thunderous fart, I knew in a moment he blew our chimmney apart. He went on the roof and to his sleigh and yelled to everyone to have a hell of a day...MERRY CHRISTMAS
this is soooo funny
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muaAZE0M3...
theres swearing in it though so sorry if you dont like swearing
A guy dies and goes to heaven and sees st.peter waiting for him. behind st.peter is a wall filled with clocks. the dead man asks about the clocks. st. peter says every time someone does a bad deed their clock ticks. st peter said," here is a priests clock, it never ticked. here is your clock it only ticked a few times." out of curiosity the man said," where is George w. bushes clock?" st.peter replies," oh Jeses is in he office using it as a fan.
Behaviorist Solution
Joe has been seeing a psychoanalyst for four years for treatment of the fear that he had monsters under his bed. It had been years since he had gotten a good night's sleep. Furthermore, his progress was very poor, and he knew it. So, one day he stops seeing the psychoanalyst and decides to try something different.
A few weeks later, Joe's former psychoanalyst meets his old client in the supermarket, and is surprised to find him looking well-rested, energetic, and cheerful. "Doc!" Joe says, "It's amazing! I'm cured!"
"That's great news!" the psychoanalyst says. "you seem to be doing much better. How?"
"I went to see another doctor," Joe says enthusiastically, "and he cured me in just ONE session!"
"One?!" the psychoanalyst asks incredulously.
"Yeah," continues Joe, "my new doctor is a behaviorist."
"A behaviorist?" the psychoanalyst asks. "How did he cure you in one session?"
"Oh, easy," says Joe. "He told me to cut the legs off of my bed."
1)A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life. A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl" The man says: - "But I am not a New Yorker!" "Oh ,then it will say in newspapers in the morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" – the policeman answers. "But I am not an American!" – says the man. "Oh, what are you then? " The man says: - "I am a Saudi !" The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog.
2)A man checked into a hotel in Australia. There was a computer in his
room,so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally
typed the wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent
the e-mail.
Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned home from
her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting
messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed
into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen
which read:
To : My Loving Wife
Subject : I've Arrived
Date: May 27 2006
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now,
and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived
and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your
arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is
as uneventful as mine was.
P.s It is damn hot down here !!