Please tell me a joke for a Holiday Gift ?!
Question: Hey everyone thanks for helping, Happy Holiday's! I am a little sad and i have no idea why! Can you please tell me a joke to make me feel better and laugh for the holidays ? thanks xoxo :)) !
Answers: Hey everyone thanks for helping, Happy Holiday's! I am a little sad and i have no idea why! Can you please tell me a joke to make me feel better and laugh for the holidays ? thanks xoxo :)) !
girl you so pretty, I'll marry your brother just to be in your family. lol.
if god made anything beautiful like you, I hope he keep it himself
mirror mirror on the wall. goddamn I'm sexy and look at my tail. lol.
you want more
IT WOULD BE FUNNY IF U STOLE A NICE PURSE ROM YOURmom on christmas eve then give it to her on chrismas i did it with my mom she almost killed me lol hope u feel better
How about some stupid blonde riddles?
Why did the blonde drill a hole in the door of her refrigerator?
She wanted to see if the light went out when she closed the door.
Why did the blonde keep staring at the can of frozen orange juice?
The label said "concentrate".
I think you need to watch a good comedy--maybe something silly like Dumb and Dumber, Waterboy, or Zoolander. You could also try Meet the Fockers or something along those lines.
Hmm, well I've never heard of a specific joke that made me feel better, just something or someone that can make me laugh.. but I'll try to cheer you up. =]
Christmas is a fun time of year, so you should try to enjoy it to the fullest. Look foward to spending time with family, friends, pets, whoever, and getting fun new gifts! =]
Hmm.. and a joke..
knock knock!
who's there?
ho
ho who?
ho.. who.. ho..
lol idk that's all i could think of, maybe my attempt will make you laugh, haha.
enjoy the holidays, hope i helped, i'm here if you want to talk! =]
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and it immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse''s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.
She tries to throw her arms around the horse''s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse''s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.
She starts to lose consciousness, but to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.
HAHA hope youre not mad or anything MC!
Q: What did the blond customer say after reading the busty waitress' name tag?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one?''
Ho Ho Ho yeeeeeeeeeeee Happy Holidadys
Look at that man go!
Its an airplane
its a bird!
no its santa!!!
All of my jokes are really offensive and I'd probably get cyber-bashed so heres one of my more tasteful ones:
"what is the difference between Bono and god?"
"God doesn't walk around thinking he's Bono"
Classic!
The Geography of a Woman
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Between the ages of 18 - 21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She is half discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with bushland around the fertile deltas.
Between the ages of 21 - 30 a woman is like America or Japan. Completely discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with countries with cash or cars.
Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India or Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of its own beauty.
Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France or Argentina. She may have been half destroyed during the war but can still be a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Yugoslavia or Iraq. She lost the war and is haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.
Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia or Canada. Very wide, quiet and the borders are practically unpatrolled but the frigid climate keeps people away.
Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England or Mongolia. With a glorious and all conquering past but alas no future (a bit like Tony Blair, maybe Blair's a women really).
After 70, they become Albania or Afghanistan. Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.
The Geography of a Man
------------------------
Between the ages of 15 - 70 a man is like Zimbabwe - ruled by a dick.
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Dave works hard at the plant and spends most evenings bowling or playing basketball at the gym. His wife thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave, how ya doin?"
His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."
When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual Budweiser. His wife is becoming uncomfortable and says, "You must come here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser".
"No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them."
A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. "Hi Davey," she says, "Want your usual table dance?"
Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her and she starts screaming at him.
The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitc# tonight, Dave."!
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The Roadrunner was feeling very amorous one day, and since there were no other female roadrunners around, he decided to look around.
He happened to spot a lovely dove. Bzzzzzz... down he goes and feathers are flying, lots of dust in the air and the dazed dove is lying there with a smile and says, "I'm a dove and I've been loved!"
The Roadrunner is still not satisfied. He spots a Lark flying around and zooms down on her. Again, feathers are flying around and dust is in the air and the dazed Lark is lying there and said, "I'm a Lark and I've been sparked"
The Roadrunner is still not satisfied and spots a Duck. He zooms down and again feathers are flying and a lot of squawkings and dust flying in the air, and the roadrunner takes off.
The Duck is lying there really pissed off, and says "I'm a Drake and there's been a mistake!"
joke #1: where do cannibles shop?
answer: eatin and allen.
joke #2: so there are these two muffins sittin in an oven one of the muffins goes
"whew it's really hot in here"
the other muffin goes
"AHHH!!! A TALKING MUFFIN!!!"
hope that helps
All i know are racist jokes, lol, sorry. But if you want to IM me on yahoo, i can tell you there!
Here is a story that sure will make any lady happy.
Eve's side of the story...
After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how is everything going?" inquired God.
"It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem.
It's these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain," reported Eve.
And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc..........she felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more "symmetrically balanced".
"That's a fair point," replied God, "But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away."
And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes.
Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.
"Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?"
"Just fantastic," she replied, "But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone."
God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Lets see..........where did I put the useless boob?"
Now doesn't THAT make more sense than that crap about the rib?