Anyone got a good joke?!


Question: Best answer to whoever has the best joke


Answers: Best answer to whoever has the best joke

This is Corny i know but it makes me laugh, my grandpa (RIP) told me this and i died laughing.. read all the way through or you dont get it..

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a pile of leaves?
Rustle

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in front of a door?
Mat

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
F.u.c.ked

hahahahaha i was guessing BOB or something corny like the other ones but i lost it when he said that!

A blonde walks down the street





















































































































Then she decides to go back up

do you want to hear 2 short jokes and 1 long joke

joke joke joooooke

what do u call a cow with no legs!?





ground beef!!!!!!!!
not really funny to most people but it is to me because its so simple!

Well last time I was the bear and the caveman said the chocolate flew a lamp with a yesterday. I like brocolli. Everyone left. Years later it was awsome but then. I was the morning chicken has feet twice. Second to nothing to another beats the dust. Twice man twice. So then I was over. Then the cow flew over the chicken road. Yesterday tomorrow. It was a good day.

What my Mom taught me
All the things my mother taught me: My mom taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE - "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!" My mother taught me RELIGION - "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" My mother taught me LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why." My mother taught me FORESIGHT - "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." My mother taught me IRONY - "Keep laughing and I'll *give* you something to cry out." My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS - "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!" My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM - "Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!" My mother taught me about STAMINA - "You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished." My mother taught me about WEATHER - "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room." My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS - "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?" My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY - "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - don't exaggerate!!!" My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE - "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION - Stop acting like your father!" My mother taught me about ENVY - "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. "I’ll have some fuckin’ French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more fuckin’ French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don’t know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don’t want the fuckin’ French toast."



Why do african americans only have nightmares?................
**Because we killed the only 1 with a dream!** (FYI - talkin bout Martin luther King).....


ONE DAY A BLACK MAN, A WHITE MAN, A CHINESE, AND A GERMAN MAN ALL CLIMBED MOUNT KILIMONJARO. THEY GOT TO THE TOP, THE CHINESE MAN SAID "THIS IS FOR MY PEOPLE" AND JUMPED OFF THE MOUNTAIN. THE GERMAN MAN SAID "THIS IS FOR MY PEOPLE" AND JUMPED OFF THE MOUNTAIN. THE BLACK MAN SAID "THIS IS FOR MY PEOPLE" AND THRU THE WHITE MAN OFF THE MOUNTAIN.

Peter - why r all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Peter - If only the winner will get the cup, why r others running?

What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair black?


Artificial intelligence....hahaha...imao...not.

A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar... FREE BEER! FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST! So the guy asks the bartender what the test is.

Bartender replies "Well, first you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a 'gator out back with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there's a woman up-stairs who's never had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her." The guy says, "Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and then get crazier from there.

Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?"

He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face. Next, he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence. The man staggers back into the bar, his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body.

"Now" he says "Where's that woman with the sore tooth?"

1)A man checked into a hotel in Australia. There was a computer in his
room,so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally
typed the wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent
the e-mail.

Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned home from
her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting
messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed
into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen
which read:

To : My Loving Wife
Subject : I've Arrived
Date: May 27 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now,
and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived
and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your
arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is
as uneventful as mine was.

P.s It is damn hot down here !!


2).A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"



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