What is the best joke did you heard??!
Question: The Wounded Skunk?
A man and a woman are driving along when they see a wounded skunk on the side of the road. They stop, the woman gets out, picks it up, and brings it into the car.
She says, "Look, it's shivering... it must be cold. What should I do?"
He says, "Put it between your legs."
She says, "What about the smell?"
He says, "Hold its nose."
Answers: The Wounded Skunk?
A man and a woman are driving along when they see a wounded skunk on the side of the road. They stop, the woman gets out, picks it up, and brings it into the car.
She says, "Look, it's shivering... it must be cold. What should I do?"
He says, "Put it between your legs."
She says, "What about the smell?"
He says, "Hold its nose."
this one...i am lol...what is the best joke did you heard...classic
“There's a priest and a minister and a rabbi, they're out playing golf, and they're trying to decide how much to give to charity. So the priest says 'Well, we'll draw a circle on the ground, we'll throw the money way up in the air, whatever lands inside the circle, we give to charity'. The minister says 'No! We'll draw a circle on the ground, and throw the money way up in the air, whatever lands outside the circle, that’s what we give to charity'. The rabbi says 'No, no, no! We'll throw the money way up in the air, and whatever God wants, he keeps'!”
What do blondes and tornados have in common?
First there is a lot of sucking and blowing and then you lose your house.
How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb?
We'll never know, they never get the house!
Little Red Riding Hood was about to walk out the door to head to grandma's house when her mother stopped her and handed her a gun.
"You know how the story goes," she said. "I want you to be protected."
Little Red placed the gun into her basket and headed out the door. A little ways into the forest, the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and said:
"Little Red Riding Hood, I'm gonna f***k your brains out!"
Little Red clutched the basket tightly and started shaking in fear. The Wolf took a step closer to her.
"Little Red Riding Hood! I'm gonna f***k your brains out!"
Little Red clutched the basket tighter, still shaking.
The Wolf took one more step toward her and stopped only inches away.
"LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD!" he screamed. "I'M GONNA F***K YOUR BRAINS OUT!!"
Little Red Riding Hood pulled the gun out of her basket, held it to the Wolf's head and said:
"No you're not! You're gonna EAT me just like the story says!"
A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion.
They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card,.... "Rest in Peace."
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.
After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied,
"Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying,... 'Congratulations on your new location!'"
1.Birth Control
There were several women sitting around talking at their weekly club meeting.The topic of birth control came up and they started comparing methods.
The first woman said that she and her husband relied on the pill. It had been effective for them since they had started using it after their 4th child was born.
The second woman said that she used the rhythm method. But she hated having to watch the calendar.
The third woman said that she used condoms, but wished that her husband would remember to buy them himself.
The fourth woman said that she and her husband had found the perfect prevention method. They used the "saucer and pail" method. All ears were opened at that comment. She went on to explain.... Her husband is shorter than she, so he stands on a pail whenever they make love, and when his eyes get as big as saucers, she kicks the pail out from underneath him.
2.Don't lie to your mother
Mrs. Smith had always suspected her son, Mike, was having an intimate relationship with his roommate, Jennifer.
One night, Mike invites his mother over for dinner. All thru the night, Mrs. Smith watched Mike and Jennifer interact, and was pretty sure there was more than met the eye. Mike saw his mother watching them and assured her that they were just roommates.
A few nights later, Jennifer went to Mike with a problem.
"Ever since your mother was here for dinner, I have been unable to find the gravy ladle. Do you think she took it?"
Mike replied, "I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her and ask her anyway."
Mike sat down at the computer and composed the following e-mail:
Dearest Mother,
I'm not saying you did take the gravy ladle, and I'm not saying you did not take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains, since you were here for dinner, we have been unable to find the ladle.
Love always,
Mike
Two days later, Mike received the following reply from his mother:
Dearest Michael,
I'm not saying you do sleep with Jennifer, and I'm not saying you do not sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains, had Jennifer been sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the ladle by now.
Love,
Mother
Moral of the story: Don't lie to your mother