A new priest at his first mass...?!


Question: A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass, he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday, he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey. He did not beat his ***.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath. He did not kick the sh*t out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ***.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, “Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say, "Eat me!"
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the cherry."
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yay God.
14. Next Sunday, there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.


Answers: A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass, he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday, he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey. He did not beat his ***.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath. He did not kick the sh*t out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ***.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, “Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say, "Eat me!"
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the cherry."
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yay God.
14. Next Sunday, there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Nice one. I worked with a guy who once asked a Priest if his father was a Priest. Gosh it did make us laugh.

hahahaha...10/10....lol

LOL :D

excellent

hilarious..................... its a joke with a meaning
well done

laughed my ring off cracker thanks .10/10.

Very good indeed my friend!...:) Thanks.

hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!

i will remember to tell my friends that one!!

OMG barvo bravo ENCORE ENCORE that was soo good i give you a 10/10 good job

An oldie, but as always still a goodie! Oh, in #5 it's bet his @SS (not beat).

hehehehe still laughing. I wonder if I'll get to pull Peter. But tell me where St.taffy's is

GOOD ONE!

Ha ha ha ace,,,,

"Daddy, Junior, and the Spook"!!! xD

Priceless... xD xD xD

Lol Honey we just got a new priest so I will listen carefully to his serman on Christmas Morning.(Xmas) thanks for that explaining last night about Xmas maybe we should ask the little nasties to read it aswell,here have a star.xxxxx

Enough Funny

Omg this got me laughing out loud for real! ;D

ha ha ha ha ha ha that is sooooooo funny! have a star!

OMG funniest joke EVR on yahoo looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo... I'm soo ading you as a contact( if i havent allready lol) merry xmas :D

ROFLMAO!!!! You rock!!! This had me killing myself laughing! *star*

very good quizard, i love youre jokes

And I was just setting of for St. Taffy's.

nice, i laughed for ten minutes straight! here's a star

lol



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