What's your favorite joke?!
Question: Or at least one you can remember :)
Answers: Or at least one you can remember :)
A plane leaves the Los Angeles airport under the control of a Jewish captain. His co-pilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together, and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.
Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, "I don't like Chinese." "No rike Chinese?" asks the co-pilot, "why not?"
"You people bombed Pearl Harbor, that's why!"
"No, no," the co-pilot protests, "Chinese not bomb Pearl Hahbah! That Japanese, not Chinese."
"Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese...doesn't matter, you're all alike!"
There's a few minutes of silence.
"No rike Jews!" the co-pilot suddenly announces.
"Why not?" asks the captain.
"Jews sink Titanic."
"Jews didn't sink the Titanic!" exclaims the captain, "it was an iceberg!"
"Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, Rosenberg, Steinberg, no mattah...all same!"
Knock knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cow
Interrupting co---MOOOOOO!
It's dumb, I know, but it makes me smile
The death of patient at 10:00 pm
This is the story, the investigators are wondering why did the patients always die in that room every 10:00 pm. It is lot of mystery in that hospital. And the scenario goes like this, the room has only one outlet and the repirator is connected in that outlet, when the time comes 10:00 pm, the janitor will come and unplug the respirator and plug the vacuum in that same outlet. After cleaning the room the patient died.
Hillary for President. That one cracks me up every time.
A man and his wife are on a fishing trip at the lake. The husband brings the boat in after fishing and takes a nap. The wife decides to take the boat out to the middle of the lake and read a book. While she is reading, the game warden approaces her on another boat and greets her. "In case you haven't noticed," the warden said, "this is a no fishing zone. I will have to write you up for that and confiscate all of your fishing gear."
"In case you haven't noticed," said the woman, "I am not fishing, I am just reading a book."
The warden replied, "you may be reading now, but you have all of your fishing gear with you. How do I know you won't start fishing at any time?"
The woman said, "well, if you fine me for this, I will have to charge you with rape."
Wait, I haven't even touched you!" the warden replied.
The woman said, "sure, but you have all the gear, how do I know you woun't start at any time?"
"Have a nice day." And the warden left.
Wifes lover
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her
husband is at work.
Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them
and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.
The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover
in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in
there already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$150"
Man - "Sold."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and
the lover are in the closet together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a Wilson infielder's glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy,"How
much?"
Boy - "$350"
Man - "Highway robbery. Sold."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your
gloves, let's go outside and have a game of catch."
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and my glove."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The boy says, "$500"
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your
friends like that... that is way more than those two
things cost.
I'm going to take you to church and make you confess
your greed."
They go to the church and the father makes the little
boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that *hit again, you're
in my closet now.
knock, ummm knock,
come in
who's there
i am, me to
i don't know about anybody else but it makes me laugh
This one may be a little dirty, but it is funny:
Two girls meet one day, and decide to rob a bank. The brunette decides to be the getaway car driver, and the blonde therefore is the actual robber. Just before they put the plan in action, the brunette reviews the plan with the blonde.
"Just remember, you go in, wave the gun around, and say 'This is a holdup!'. Once you get everyone good and scared, do what I told you at the house. I'll be waiting here, make sure that you are quick, so we don't get arrested."
The blonde nods, takes a deep breath, pulls on her black ski mask, grabs the gun, and enters the bank. The brunette waits in the car, periodically checkin her watch.
"What in the name of God could be taking her this long?"
When the blonde finally comes out, the brunette sees a strange sight. The blonde is dragging the safe out with a rope tied around it. Soon, a guard, with his pants around his ankles, comes to the door with cuffs, but trips when he gets to the steps. Finally, the blonde gives up on pulling the safe, and hops into the car with the brunette.
"What the hell just happened in there?"
"What do you mean, I did exactly what you said!"
After a brief pause the brunette exclaims
"Dammit! I told you to tie up the GUARD, and blow the SAFE!"
You have to admit. The funniest jokes are always the naughtiest...
that blode and brunette joke is old, i must have heard that one when i was nine years old..
lmao xD i dont have one but all the answers are funny
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