Best Joke....?!


Question: What is the best joke u ever heard......give me as many as u can think of.....i dont care what type of joke it is!!!


Answers: What is the best joke u ever heard......give me as many as u can think of.....i dont care what type of joke it is!!!

Piranha Pool

A very rich man had his pool filled with piranhas. Later on that day he threw a party, and invited anyone who wanted to attend.
He said he'll give any man $10,000 if he dares to swim from one end to the other. No one took the offer.
"Ok, I'll give any man $10,000 and a brand new car". Still no one took the offer.
"I will give any man $10,000, a brand new car and any lady of their choice at this party".
At the end of the pool, a man jumps in and swims fast across to the other end.
The rich man shakes the man's hand and asks, "do you want the money?"
"No"
"Do you want the car?"
"No"
"Then you want the lady of your choice?"
"No"
"Then what is it that you want???"
I want the little b**ch that pushed me in!"

Someone just posted this and I think it is hilarious!

*************************************

A young man wanted to purchase a Christmas gift for his girlfriend. After
careful consideration, he decided on a pair of gloves.
Accompanied by his
girlfriend's sister, he went to a department store and bought a pair of white
gloves. The sister purchased a pair of white panties for herself.
During
the wrapping of the items, the clerk inadvertently mixed up the packages. The
clerk handed the young man the packaged panties and then handed the packaged
gloves to the sister.
On Christmas day, his girlfriend opened the gift,
along with the following note:

Dear Kathy,

This is a little
gift to show my love for you on Christmas day. I chose these because I noticed
that you're not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. Had
it not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the
buttons, but she wears short ones that are easy to remove. They're a delicate
shade, but not to worry because the female clerk showed me a pair that she'd
been wearing for three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had a young
salesgirl try them on for me and she really looked smart.
I wish I was
there to put them on for you for the first time since no doubt other hands
will come in contact with them before I get a chance to see you again. When
you take them off, remember to blow into them before putting them away since
they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Also, be sure to keep them
on when you clean them or otherwise they might shrink.
Just think how many
times I will kiss them in the coming year. I hope you like them and will wear
them for me on New Year's.
All my love,
Ryan
P.S. The latest style
is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.

there were once 2 blondes following a set of tracks they disputed wegther they wer bear tracks or lion tracks they were still arguing while the train ran them over

there were once three people on a plane a waiter a soldier and a baseball player the pilot told them that they wer crashing and had to throw out their items the waiter threw out a bowl of spaghetti the baseball player threw a baseball and the soldier threw a grenade
when thry landed they found 2 children crying and 1 laughing they asked the first why he was crying and he said i had just finished my food and more came into it and now i cant play the second replied that a baseall fell on his head they asked the laughing boy why hes laughing and said "i farted and the house behind me blew up"

once there was a boy who wanted to go to the bathroom thee tracher said you have to recite the abc's first the child began "abcdefghijklmnoqrs" wowow wait weres the p? asked the teacher
the child replied its running down my knee
lol
best aansweres

Sarah is in class and paul is sitting behind her. They are learning about the bible. The teacher says "Now, do any of you know who is God's son?"
Paul pokes Sarah with a drawing pin and she leaps up and says "Jesus Christ!"
"Well done."
The teacher flicks through the bible. She says "Now we alle know the story of adam and eve don't we?" The class all agree.
Paul is constantly poking Sarah now and she's getting mad.
"Now does anyone know what she said afterthey had met and got to know each other very well?"
At that moment sarah leaps up and shouts "IF YOU POKE ME WITH THAT THING ONE MORE TIME, I'LL SNAP IT IN TWO!!!"

******I know it's not very good but when I heard it I couldn't stop luaghing******

Why did the door laugh ?
Coz someone tickled his knob.

Its really cheesy but made me laugh
=)

1. where is the best place to get married?
At wal mart, because it's easier to take back the gifts!!LOL

One day in the Garden of Eden, Adam turned to the sky and asked God...."Why did you make women so beautiful?"
God answered...."Easy Adam...so that you would love them."
Ahhhh yes....thought Adam. "Well, God, Then why did you have to make women so curvey?" "Again Adam, So that you would love them!" replied God. "yes, yes...ok, well God, why is it then, did you make women so darn stupid?" Asked Adam on last time.
"Now that is a good one Adam, so that they would love YOU!"



~And my fav one of all...cheesy but cute as heck........

If honey bees make honey....what kind of bees make milk?
boo-bees :)

The Irish had an Elite fighting force called the A.S.S, they got a call to deal with a possible terrorist 'situation'. They abseiled from their 'Chamois' helicopters into the local zoo. They shot and killed the 'gorillas' and rescued the 'ostriches'.
Three bodies in the morgue of CSI Miami, English, Scotsman and an Irishman. 'What happened to the English guy?' asked Horatio. 'He was ploughing his field and his tractor fell over on top of him' came the reply. 'What about the Scottish fella?' Horatio asked. 'Fell into a vat of whiskey and drowned' replied the mortician. Horatio moved towards the Irishman then asked ' And the Irish guy, and why is he smiling? 'He was struck by lightening as he thought he was having his picture taken! came the reply.

Bushhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.
She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun a long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!"
The nun says "OK, pull into the next alley."
He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?"
"Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK, I'm on my way to a Halloween party my outfit is just an old habit."

Why are pirates so angry?

A blonde chick found herself sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane. Bored, the lawyer kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence (lawyers like easy prey). Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers he’d give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, “What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?” Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5.

The blonde then asked, “What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?”

The lawyer looked puzzled. He spent nearly an hour, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls, trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, “What is the answer to your question?”

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

This is supposed to be the best knock-knock joke ever told...

Person #1: Knock-Knock!

Person #2: Who's there?

Person #1: The interrupting cow.

Person #2: The interru-

Person #1: MOO!!

lol its funny, isnt it? If you didnt get it, the joke teller interrupts the second person...because hes the interrupting cow!! lol.



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