Forget appropriate, I just need funny.?!
Question: I want my audience to be red-faced, can't catch their breath, gonna pee their pants laughing. I need jokes, anything you got that you know is funny, but no links to websites because I'm using school computers that block those kind of websites. One exception though, no raunchy, gross, you-know-what jokes. I'll be telling these at school where, even though my friends and the rest of the students will think their funny, the teachers won't and I'll get in trouble. Other than that, I'm open to everything else.
Answers: I want my audience to be red-faced, can't catch their breath, gonna pee their pants laughing. I need jokes, anything you got that you know is funny, but no links to websites because I'm using school computers that block those kind of websites. One exception though, no raunchy, gross, you-know-what jokes. I'll be telling these at school where, even though my friends and the rest of the students will think their funny, the teachers won't and I'll get in trouble. Other than that, I'm open to everything else.
a boy was at school and the teacher said that his home work for the night was to find out what the first 5 letters of the alphabet were. so when he got home...
he asked his mom (who was talking on the phone) what the first letter of the alphabet was and she said "shut up I'm on the phone"
he then asked his sister (who was playing with barbie) what the second letter of the alphabet was. she said "lets go barbie"
he then asked his dad (who was in the bathroom) what the third letter of the alphabet was. he said "50 rolls of toilet paper"
he then asked his older brother (who was watching football) what the forth letter of the alphabet was. his older brother said "5 to 10"
he then asked his baby sister what the 5th letter of the alphabet is. and she just cried.
the next day at school his teacher asked him what the first letter of the alphabet is. he said "shut up, I'm on the phone" the teacher asked him if he needed to go to the princaples office, and he said "let's go barbie" she walked with him to the princaples office, and explained what had happened. the princaple began lechuring the boy and asked him what he thought this school was made of. the boy replied "50 rolls of toilet paper". the principle asked the boy if he needed a discipline sheet, and the boy said "5-10". the principle past him a sheet and the boy just cried.
how are you yahoo answers if your at school
I just read some jokes further down the page....one that the tittle is tell me why this is funny and is about a taxi driver and one that says another guden.....there are a few that say another guden but there is one that would be suitable for you to tell at school....goodluck
haha well three people were in a hot air ballon a tennis player a model and a army genreal the genreal said the all need to drop something the model droped a heel the tennis player dropped a racket and the genreal droped a bomb when they landed the model found a girl crying why are you crying? asked the model a heel fell from the sky and hit me in the head! cryed the girl the tennis player found a boy crying why are you crying he asked a racket fell from the sky and hit me in the head! the genreal found a girl laughing why are you laughing? he asked my momma farted and the house blew up!
How can you say, "Forget appropriate, I just need funny."
Then turn around and say, "no raunchy, gross, you-know-what jokes."
That's a bit hypocritical
ok i saw this one b4
guess whos back toghether?
------------------------
------------------------
-----------------------
ur butt cheeks
lol
another
--------------------------------------...
Mental Hospital
Ron and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ron suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Ron out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news.
The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is, Ron, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him.
I am so sorry, but he's dead.'
Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.
How soon can I go home?'
______________________________________...
funny story
ok this didnt really happend to me but i saw it
okay, so i was inside my house and its like 7:30 in the morning and my dad runs into my room and screams, "-not putting my name here (:- GRAB YOUR JB CD AND A SHARPIE AND GET YOUR BUT OUTSIDE!" so that only means one thing to me. the jonas brothers are outside my house! so i grab my cd and a silver sharpie to be different from all the black sharpied people and i run downstairs. (yes, i am still in my pjs which are really short lifeguard shorts and a tank top that says I WILL KISS YOU FOR PEANUTS with an elephant on it) so i run outside and to my surprise, my crush, my neighbor, and like 5 of their friends are there and my dad is videotaping the whole thing. i go inside and scream my head off at him then when i got to school the next day, all the guys were holding out peanuts and making kissy faces at me. IT WAS SO IMBARRASING and it wouldnt stop for about a month. :)
hope i helpes!!
On the afternoon before her first date; A young Italian girl sits next to her old Grandmother who tells her: " Gina.....I'ma gonna tella you about Boys.....First.....they gonna wanna kiss you, & you gonna likea that, but don' leta them do that ! Then they gonna wanna huga you & you gonna likea dat too, but don' leta them do that ! Mosta of All; they gonna wanna lay ona top ofa you, but don' let them do that because that would disgrace our family " . The next morning after her date Gina sat next to her Grandmother & said " Grandma.....you were so right .... he tried to do everything just like you said, but don't worry I didn't disgrace our family because when he tried to lay on top of me, I just turned over & disgraced his family "