I need some criminal jokes?!
Question: i need short jokes but not like the 2 sentence ones i need them to be funny(for a speech) and they HAVE TO BE ON CRIMINALS really funny ones though(must be appropriate)
Answers: i need short jokes but not like the 2 sentence ones i need them to be funny(for a speech) and they HAVE TO BE ON CRIMINALS really funny ones though(must be appropriate)
1.Bill sat alone in the hospital room at his dying wife's beside. It was difficult to hear her above the many life sustaining devices, as
her voice was little more than a hoarse whisper. "Bill darling," she breathed. "I've got a confession to make before I
go... I ... I'm the one who took the $10,000 from your safe in the house ... I spent it on a fling with your best friend
Jimmy. And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the community in utter disgrace. I'm afraid I also was the
one who reported you to the IRS for income tax evasion..."
"That's all right dearest; don't even give it a second thought." said Bill. "I have a small confession too. I'm the one
who poisoned you."
2.A judge asked a defendant to please stand. "You are
charged with murdering a school teacher with a chain saw." From out in
the audience a man shouted, "Lying bastard!" "Silence in the court!",
the judge shouted back to the man. He turned to the defendant and
said, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."
"Tightwad!", blurted the man again. "Quiet!", yelled the judge who
continued, "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an
electric drill." "Son of a..." the man started to shout when the judge
thundered back, "If you don't tell me reason for your outbursts right
now, I will hold in contempt!" So the man answered, "I've lived next
to that man for ten years now, but do you think he ever had a tool
when I needed to borrow one!"
3.A nun is walking down the street, when suddenly a punk jumps out of the
bushes and hits her over the head, proceeds to kick her in the groin and
break her nose with a massive left hook. As the nun is lying bleeding on
the floor, the guy looks down and says:
You're getting slow in your old age, Batman.
well i hope thats what u want. good luck
Google it
Don't make fun of the holocaust, My Grandpa died there!
He was a guard that fell off the towers.
(I did not make the joke, and neither to offend.)
The Stolen Pay Check
A man robbed a woman her purse on the street. The woman called for help but the man got away. Later, in a back alley, the criminal stopped to go through the purse. Things looked pretty good, there were credit cards, cash, and the woman had gotten her paycheck earlier that day. The criminal decided to cash the check and dressed up like a woman. He walked to the bank and no one suspected a thing. When he asked an elderly teller to cash the check, the teller noticed that the check was made out to her daughter. She pressed the security button and when the police came and arrested the man . The teller said, "Next time, only cash stolen checks that are made out to cash!"