Tell me your best 'Yo Mamma,' 'Redneck,' 'Blonde,' or &#!
Question: I'm watching CMT's 20 Most Redneck moments and I just wanted to continue my laughs...
Let me hear your best jokes. Let's try to keep it PG-13 so they don't violate me...hell, just put *** if you can't get past it. Haha. Oh, and the ______ is if you have a different, similar type of joke.
Have fun and as always, best joke will get the 10 points.
Answers: I'm watching CMT's 20 Most Redneck moments and I just wanted to continue my laughs...
Let me hear your best jokes. Let's try to keep it PG-13 so they don't violate me...hell, just put *** if you can't get past it. Haha. Oh, and the ______ is if you have a different, similar type of joke.
Have fun and as always, best joke will get the 10 points.
10 Ways to tell if a Redneck has been working on a Computer
10. The monitor is up on blocks.
9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
8. The six front keys have rotted out.
7. The extra RAM ports have truck parts stored in them.
6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
5. The password is "Bubba".
4. There's a gun rack mounted on the CPU.
3. There's a Coors can in the cup holder(CD-ROM drive).
2. The keyboard is camouflaged.
AND the number 1 way to tell if a redneck has been working on a computer is...
1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter".
Cutting Pizza
A blonde went to buy a Pizza and after ordering, the assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"
Yo mama is so nasty
Yo mama so nasty she made speed stick slow down.
Yo mama so nasty she brings crabs to the beach.
Yo mama so nasty she made right guard turn left.
Yo mama so nasty the fishery be paying her to leave
Yo mama so nasty she has to creep up on bathwater.
Yo mama so nasty that pours salt water down her pants to keep her crabs fresh.
Yo mama so nasty I called her to say hello, and she ended up giving me an ear infection.
yo mama so stupid she sits on the tv and watches the couch
Red Neck pick-up lines...
Are your parents retards, cause you sure are special...
My love for you is like the chits, I can't hold it in...
Yo Mamma is so dumb that she when she wanted to add some kick to her food she busted out some Oldspice.
Ok theres two blondes sitting outside at night in Florida. One blonde looks over and says to the other, "which do you think is farther, New York or the Moon?" and the other blonde goes, "Duh! We cant see New York!"
whats the difference between a Harley and a blonde
the harley doesnt drip 5 minutes after u ride it :)
Yo mamma's so poor, she ran after the garbage truck with her grocery list.
You might be a redneck IF.....Your JACK-O-LANTERN has more teeth then your wife!
A Jonas Brother Quote lol
"I went to the grocery store to ask the manager for a glass of milk but he said we dont sell glasses here."
LOL okay kinda corny but in a funny way lol. HTBT moment i guess.
three blondes had just driven 12 hours to get to disney land
the saw a sign that said DISNEYLAND LEFT
when they saw the sign they turned around and went home
- - - - - - - - - - -- - - -- - - -- - -- - - - -- - - -- - - -- -- - -- -- - -- - - - -- -
a man was sitting on his porch
he saw his blonde neighbor run out and check her mailbox
nothing was in there and she returned to her house
she did the same thing 3 times
the fourth time, he asked her "what are you doing?"
she said "my computer keeps telling me that i have mail, but whenever i come out here theres no mail"
--------------------------------------...
there once was a magic brigde
a brunette ran on to it and wished she was 30% smarter
she became an asian
a redhead ran on to the bridge and wished to be 15% smarter
she became a brunette
then a blonde ran out and wished to be 100% dumber
she became a man
yo mamma so fat - when she goes to the movies, she sits next to EVERYONE!
yo mamma so ugly - she went to the beauty salon and it took three hours for an ESTiMATE!
yo mamma so old - when she went to school they didn't HAVE history!
Yo mamas so fat, when the doctor diagnosed her with a skin eating disease, he said she had 73 years to live!
Yo momma is so fat that she wore a red dress to a party and everybody said "hey it's the Koolaid man!"
Yo mamma's teeth are so yellow that when she smiles cars slow down.
Yo momma is so fat that she sat on a rainbow and skittles came out.
You momma is so stupid that she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing out all the W's.
Here is a blond joke.
There was a blonde standing on the side of the road next to her broken down car. A police officer came and asked her what happened.
She said "well I was driving and all of a sudden a tree popped up in the middle of the road. And I turn out of the way and another tree pops up. No matter where I turned there was always a tree!"
The police officer says, "Sorry those weren't trees, that was just your air freshener swinging back and forth"
why did God give women legs?
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so they don't leave Snell trials.
LOL.
Yo Mama is like a hockey team she changes her pads every 3 periods (just kidding idk ur mom)
2 Blonde's have locked there keys in the car as one of then was trying to unlock the door with a coat hanger the other looks up in the sky and says "can u hurry this up please.. the top is down and its about to rain!!"
okay so a blond joke
a blond police officer pulled over a blond woman. she say, can i please see you license and registration. the blond woman say, oh well, the only thing i have is this, and hands the officer a compact mirror. the officer opens it and says, oh well if i had know you were and officer....
another funny one is, which hit the ground first, a smart blond, a dumb brunette, or a dumb blond. a dumb blond b/c the other 2 don't exist!
Lmfao commenting on "HelloGoodbye's"
comment.
There's a joke that goes like his last one, i think the way this one is said is funnier than that one.
Q:
How can you tell when you're too drunk to drive?
A:
When you swerve to avoid a tree and you realize it was an air freshener hanging from your mirror!
yo mama so fat, when she asked for a water bed, they threw a blanket ova lake michigan!
fcuk ur life, b'cuz u got none.
A blonde hurried into the hospital emergency room late one night with the
tip of her index finger shot off.
"How did this happen?," the emergency room doctor asked her.
"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.
"What?" sputtered the doctor? "You tried to commit suicide by shooting off
the tip of your finger?"
"No, silly!" the blonde said. "First, I put the gun to my chest, and I
thought, 'I just paid $6,000 for these; I'm not shooting myself in the
chest."
"So then?" asked the doctor.
"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3,000 to get
my teeth straightened; I'm not shooting myself in the mouth."
"So, then?"
"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought 'This is going to make a loud
noise, so I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger."
your mama is so stupid she went to the 99 cent store and asked for a price check!
- One of the teachers had a kindergartner come up to her and say that he found a frog. The teacher asked if the frog was alive or dead. The student said it was dead. The teacher asked how he knew. The boy said, "I pissed in it's ear." The teacher said, "You what?" He said, "You know, I went to his ear and said, 'PSST!' and it didn't move. So it must be dead."
- The children had all been photographed, and
the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and
say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a
doctor.'" A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's
the teacher; ...she's dead."
~~~~~
Teachers never give up, and neither does Little Johnny. She asks him, "Can you name the Great Lakes?"
You know Johnny, he is always fast with an answer, and he pipes up with, "I don't need to. They've already been named."
~~~~~
The arithmetic teacher had written 10.9 on the blackboard and had then rubbed out the decimal point to show the effect of multiplying this number by ten.
"Johnny," the teacher asked, "where is the decimal point now?"
"On the eraser!" came back the quick reply.
~~~~~
Little Johnny was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the sixth one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, make you fat."
Little Johnny replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
Little Johnny answered, "No, he minded his own business!"
~~~~~
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face.
"Why are you rubbing cold cream on your face, Mommy?" he asked.
"To make myself beautiful," said his mother.
A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue.
"What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
~~~~~
A man was mowing his front yard when his attractive, blonde, female neighbor came
out of the house and went straight to her mailbox. She opened the mailbox, looked
inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into her house. A little later, she came
out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and again slammed it
shut. Angrily back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, the blonde came out again. She
marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
She replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I have mail!
Where is God?
Little Johnny's parents were at their wits end as to what to do about their son's behavior. His mother had heard that a priest in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so she asked her husband if they should send Little Johnny to speak with the priest.
The husband said, "We might as well... we need to do something before I really lose my temper!"
The priest agreed to speak with Little Johnny. The priest sat him down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?"
Little Johnny made no response, so the priest repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?"
Again, Little Johnny made no attempt to answer, so the priest raised his voice again and shook his finger in the boy's face, "Where is God?"
A frightened Little Johnny ran out of the room and directly home to his bedroom, where he slammed himself in the closet.
Little Johnny's mother followed him into the closet and asked, "What happened?"
Little Johnny replied, "I'm in BIG trouble this time... God is missing and they think I did it!"
A man was mowing his front yard when his attractive, blonde, female neighbor came
out of the house and went straight to her mailbox. She opened the mailbox, looked
inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into her house. A little later, she came
out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and again slammed it
shut. Angrily back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, the blonde came out again. She
marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
She replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I have mail!