WIN TEN POINT!!! instantly win for your joke.. must be the best joke.. and only !
Question: A little boy wakes up three nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents' bedroom. Finally, one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noise and when I look in you're bouncing up and down on him."
His mom is taken by surprise and says. "Oh... well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again."
The boy says, "That won't work."
His mom says, "Why?"
The boy replies. "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up!"
thats my joke top that
Answers: A little boy wakes up three nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents' bedroom. Finally, one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noise and when I look in you're bouncing up and down on him."
His mom is taken by surprise and says. "Oh... well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again."
The boy says, "That won't work."
His mom says, "Why?"
The boy replies. "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up!"
thats my joke top that
$1,000 Dollar Tattoo.
A guy goes to the tattoo parlor and offers the tattoo artist $1,000 to put a $100 bill on his willie. The artist agrees, but is curious and asks the man why he wants to do this.
The man replies, "I have my reasons which I would rather not tell right now."
So, the artist goes ahead and does the job. But, all the while he is anxious with curiosity over why this man wants a $100 bill on his penis.
So, he tells the man that he really needs to know the reason why and says that the man can keep the $1000 he would have paid for the tattoo if he would just tell the reason for putting a $100 bill on his willie.
So, the man consents and offers these three reasons: "First, I like to play with my money. Second, I like to watch my money grow. And third, and most importantly, the next time my wife wants to blow $100, she can stay home to do it."
Funny, right?
Boy 1: Why can't you use this (pointing using his own pinky finger) to pick dirt from your nose?
Boy 2: Why?
Boy 1: Because it's mine!
What's Brown and Sticky?
a stick
Two parents decide to go hunting for deer
They shoot one, bring it home and prepare it for dinner
They decide they aren't going to tell the children what it is, instead have them guess
The father says to the kids, "guess what you are eating, it's what mommy calls me sometimes"
The little girl, with a stunned look on her face, drops her fork and says to her brothers "NO! DON'T EAT IT, IT'S AN A**HOLE!!"
a little boy asks his mother one day, "Mommy where do babies come from?"
the Mother looks at him and says,"Well sweety, they come from storks. The bird flies through the window and drops them off."
the little boy looks confused and asks," Who f.ucks the storks"?
Hilarious joke about a gynecologist........
A beautiful, busty blonde goes to her gynecologist. When she enters the room for her appointment, the doctor is absolutely taken by her sexuality. He begins the exam and just can't help himself, so he starts feeling the inside of her thigh. "Do you know what I'm doing", asked the doctor. "Yeah, your checking for legions and abrasions", replied the beautiful blonde. "Your right!", replies the doc. He continues with the exam and again can't help himself, so he grabs her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now?", asked the doctor. "Yes, your checking for breast cancer", replied the blonde. "Your right again!", replies the doctor. Eventually the gynecologist just can't take it anymore and gets on the examination table and starts having sex with the patient. "Do you know what I'm doing now?", asked the doctor. "Yes", replies the woman. "Your getting HERPES, which is why I came here!"
there was these two irish blokes trying to mesure the length of a flag pole and they just couldnt reach the top of it and then the this blonde walks up and say's "typical irish" and then she pulles out a spanner and undoes the bolts and layes it down on the ground and mesures it and she says"there 34 foot are you happy" and she then walks off and then one of the irish blokes say "typical blonde gives us the length instead of the height! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
what's brown and sticky? A STICK!!!!!!!!!!! i love it.
why did the man get fired from the orange juice factory?
he couldn't concentrate.
A docter, a lawyer, a priest, and a little boy were on a plane when it started having engine trouble.
In spite of the best efforts of the pilot the plane started to go down.
Unfortunetly there were only 3 parachutes remaining.
The docter grabbed one and said. "I am a docter, I save lives so I deserve to live." And jumped out.
The lawyer then said, " I am lawyer and lawyers are the smartest men in the world, so I deserve to live." and jumped out.
The priest looked at the boy and said " My son I haved lived a long life, and you have a whole life to live, so you take the parachute."
The boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said "No worries father, the "smartest man in the world" just took off with my backpack."
I'm not even gonna try to... I love it! lmao!!! haha... nice!
Three men were sentenced to death by firing squad. Just as they applied the blindfold to the first man, he yelled "CYCLONE". In confusion, he escaped. Just as they applied the blindfold to the second man, he yelled "FLOOD". In confusion, he escaped. The third man was a bit of a wally. Just as the applies the blindfold to him, he yelled out "FIRE".
two caterpillars sitting on a leaf they look up and see a butterfly go overhead one says to the other
''you wouldnt catch me going up in one of those''
Amit to Doc: I swallowed a key last week.
Doc: Why didn't U come to me earlier ?
Amit: Because I has the duplicate which I lost today.
A guy noticed that his buddy was troubled and asked what was wrong.
"Ohhh, it's my girlfriend."
"Oh yeah? What's the problem?"
"When I asked her if she could learn to love me," he said, "she asked me how much I was willing to spend on her education."
A boy goes to school for the first time so when he comes home his mom ask him what he did all day. The boy replies "i ate ginger sticks and screwed the girls all day".
When her husband comes home she hysterically tells him what their son said. Her husband immediately rushes for the frying pot.
I know you're mad she says but we cant hit him with a frying pot. Her husband replies I'm not gonna hit him. Now confused she asks so WHAT are u going to do.
I'm frying him a stake replies the husband. For WHAT she asks. He replies " because he cant screw all day on ginger sticks".
woman goes to a gynecologist, he tells her to get on the examining table and put her feet in the stirrups he looks and says to her lady i'm sorry but thats the biggest hole i've ever seen.angry she leaves. At home in her bedroom she bends over to see and can't,she puts a mirror on the floor and stadles it ,just then herhusband walks in asked what she was doing .she replied arobics. he said watch you don't fall in that big hole
Here is many jokes but non of them could make me smile.
why does miss piggy douche with vinegar,because kermit the frog likes sweet and sour pork
you know your a redneck when you give your daughter hickeys for x-mas as a present
long but so worth it:
At a Sea World type place, there is a tank with some dolphins in it that are just being too "frisky". Now this is a family establishment, and management can't have this kind of thing on display, so the manager says to his assistant that he needs to go get some baby sea gulls to feed to the dolphins, because, for reasons unknown except for the purpose of this joke, baby sea gulls act as an anti-aphrodisiac. So the assistant heads out with a big sack on his back and gets some baby sea gulls to bring back. On his way back, he sees a giant lion sleeping in his path, with no way around. So he decides to ever so quietly step over the lion, without waking it. He creeps over, gently steps over the lion, and as soon as he's on the other side, some cops show up and arrest him. What were the charges?
"Carrying young gulls across sedate lions for immoral porpoises"
(READ OUT LOUD)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...
this is my favorite joke of all time!