Jokes!!!!!!!?!


Question: Any good jokes you know and like to share them on here?
Cheers can`t wait to read them....


Answers: Any good jokes you know and like to share them on here?
Cheers can`t wait to read them....

I was working in an orange juice factory, but I couldn't concentrate.
I tried to work in a shoe factory, but I couldn't fit in
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road.
A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, "You're quite a celebrity around here. We've even got a drink named after you." The grasshopper says, "You've got a drink named Steve
Two children were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying very loudly.
2nd Child: Why are you crying?

1st Child: I came here for a blood test.

2nd Child: So? Are you afraid?

1st Child: No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.

At this, the second one started crying profusely.

The first one was astonished.

1st Child: Why are you crying now?

2nd Child: I came for a urine test !
Hey Grandpa!, can you make a noise like a frog?"

"I think I can do that. Why?"

"Cuz Dad says when you croak, we're going to Disneyworld"

there is a page in entertainment with some good 1nes

why dont you read the ones on here

ok heres 2 for you

did you hear about the short sighted circumsiser?
he got the sack

what happened when jesus went to mount olive?
popeye kicked the crap out of him

This one is sooo corny...i love it

There are two muffins in an oven.
The first muffin goes "WHEW! Its hott in here!"
The second muffin shouts, "HOLY SH*T A TALKING MUFFIN!"

Here's one of my favorites

The Man Dictionary



"IT'S A GUY THING"
Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected
with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."



"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"



"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.



"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Translated: "I have no idea how it works."



"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST
THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Translated: "That girl standing on the
corner is a real babe."



"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."



"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"



"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the
address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle
identification numbers of every car I've ever
owned, but I forgot your birthday."



"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU,
AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES."
Translated: "The girl selling them on the
corner was a real babe."



"OH, DON'T FUSS - I JUST CUT MYSELF,
IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated: "I have actually severed a limb,
but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."



"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated: "It didn't fall into my outstretched
hands, so I'm completely clueless."



"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Translated: "What did you catch me at?"



"I HEARD YOU."
Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what
you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it
well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."



"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Translated: "I am used to the way you yell at me,
and realize it could be worse."



"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Translated: "Oh, God, please don't try on one
more outfit, I'm starving."



"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Translated: "No one will ever see us alive again."

i should deserve best answer for this.
xD

A man was in a long line at Walmart.
As he got to the register he realized
he had forgotten to get condoms, so
he asked the checkout girl if she could
have some brought up to the register.

She asked, 'What size condoms?'

The customer replied that he didn't
know. She asked him to drop his pants.
He did.

She reached over the counter, grabbed
hold of him and called over the intercom,
'One box of large condoms, Register 5.'

The next man in line thought this was
interesting, and like most of us, was up
for a cheap thrill.

When he got up to the register, he
told the checker that he too had
forgotten to get condoms, and asked
if she could have some brought to the
register for him.

She asked him what size, and he stated
that he didn't know. She asked him to
drop his pants. He did.

She gave him a quick feel, picked up
the intercom and said, 'One box of
medium-sized condoms, Register 5.'

A few customers back was this teenage
boy. He thought what he had seen was
way too cool. He had never had any type
of sexual contact with a live female, so
he thought this was his chance.

When he got to the register he told the
checker he needed some condoms.

She asked him what size and he said
he didn't know.? She asked him to drop
his pants and he did. She reached over
the counter, gave him a quick squeeze,
then picked up the intercom and said...





'Cleanup, Register 5'

Wife gets naked & asks her hubby; what turns u on more my pretty face or my sexy body? Hubby, looks her up & down and says your f******g sense of humour!



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