Do you know any funny (appropriate) jokes? cuz im bored...?!


Question: i just wanted to know some funny jokes


Answers: i just wanted to know some funny jokes

Little Johnny Learns A Lesson

At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."
Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him 20 dollars and says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father promptly hands him 40 dollars and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth." The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your daddy a great big hug!"

Mark, a loving husband, was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary and his wife was really ticked off at him. She told him, "tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in under 6 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE." The next morning, Mark got up really early before work. When his wife woke up a couple of hours later, she looked out the window, and sure enough, there was a small gift-wrapped box sitting in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway, and took the box into the house.
She opened it, and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Mark is not yet well enough to have visitors...

what black whit red allover and goes 60 miles an hour? a zebra in a blender

Q: Why are there no aspirins in the jungle?

A: Because the parrots ate 'em all (paracetamol).

A man goes to buy a horse from a retired preacher turned farmer. The farmer says, "This horse is special, when you want her to go you say, "Praise the Lord!" and when you want her to stop you say, "Amen!" So the man takes the horse out for a ride to see what it can do. He says, "Praise the Lord" and the horse gets going with every time he says it the horse gets faster and faster. The man being too impressed by the horse doesn't notice he's headed straight for the edge of a cliff. When the man sees it ahead, he panics and tries to remember what the farmer said to get the horse to stop. He finally remembers and shouts "AMEN!" The horse stops inches away from the edge. With a sigh of relief the man says, "Praise the Lord!"



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