Silliest answer- 10 POINTS!!!?!
Question: Make me laugh so hard I pee!! Or cry I don't want to ruin my new Jeans.
Answers: Make me laugh so hard I pee!! Or cry I don't want to ruin my new Jeans.
Teacher: *points to Johnny* OK Johnny, tell us your riddle!
Johnny: *gets up and stands in front of class* What starts with 'F' and ends with 'uck'?
Teacher: *gasps*
Nobody raises their hand.
Johnny: Firetruck!
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A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."
Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"
"This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."
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A husband and wife were involved in an argument, both
of them unwilling to admit they might be in error.
"I'll admit I'm wrong," the wife told her husband, "if you'll admit I'm right."
He agreed and, like a gentleman, insisted she go first.
"I'm wrong," she said.
With a twinkle in his eye, he responded, "You're right!"
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A woman rushed into the supermarket to pick up a few
items. She headed for the express line where the clerk
was talking on the phone with his back turned to her.
"Excuse me," she said, "I'm in a hurry. Could you check
me out?"
The clerk turned, stared at her for a second, looked her
up and down, smiled and said, "Not bad."
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There are three girls a blond, a brunette, and a red-head.They are walking through a forest.The Brunette says " Eagle" and she turns into an eagle and flys away. The Red-head says " Sparrow" and she flys away as a sparrow. The blond trips over the root of tree and says ''Oh poo".
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A man is driving along a highway
and sees a rabbit jump out
across the middle of the road.
He swerves to avoid hitting it,
but unfortunately
the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.
The driver,
a sensitive man as well as an animal lover,
pulls over and gets out to see
what has become of the rabbit.
Much to his dismay,
the rabbit is dead.
The driver feels so awful
that he begins to cry.
A beautiful blonde woman
driving down the highway
sees a man crying on the
side of the road
and pulls over.
She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.
"I feel terrible," !
he explains,
"I accidentally hit this rabbit
and killed it."
The blonde says,
"Don't worry."
She runs to her car
and pulls out a spray can.
She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit,
bends down,
and sprays the contents onto the rabbit.
The rabbit jumps up,
waves its paw at the two of them
and hops off down the road.
Ten feet away the rabbit stops,
turns around and waves again,
he hops down the road another 10 feet,
turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves,
and repeats this again and again and again,
until he hops out of sight.
The man is astonished.
He runs over to the woman and demands,
"What is in that can?
What did you spray on that rabbit?"
The woman turns the can around
so that the man can read the label.
It says..
>>>> >>
>>>> >>
>>>> >>
>>>> >>
>>>> >>
>>>> >>
>>>> >>
>>>> >>
>>>> >>
>>>> >>
"Hair Spray -
Restores life to dead hair,
and adds permanent wave."
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TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
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TEACHER: Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK: Because of the sign..
TEACHER: What sign?
FRANK: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
Once upon a time there were 2 flies. A frog ate them.
Im just as bored as you. Make me laugh till I pee.
tea hat in super butt every time twin early ride when i'm never
...........pudding.........................
A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he will give him a free beer if he shows him something amazing. The bartender agrees, so the guys pulls out a hamster, who begins dancing and singing "Tuff Enuff" by the Fabulous Thunderbirds.
"That IS amazing!" says the bartender and gives the guy his free beer.
"If I show you something else amazing, will you give me another beer?" The bartender agrees, so the guy pulls out a small piano and a hamster and a frog. Now the hamster plays the piano while the frog dances and sings "You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet" by Bachman-Turner Overdrive.
The bartender, completely wowed, gives him another beer. A man in a suit, who's been watching the entire time, offers to buy the frog for a princely sum, which the man agrees to.
"Are you nuts?" asks the bartender. "You could've made a fortune off that frog."
"Can you keep a secret?" asks the man. "The hamster's a ventriloquist."
Whats helen kellers kids name,
MWAHKLGRRRRRLAJAKAAAAAAA
once there were three boys sitting on a bench. There names were poop, shut up and manners. All of a sudden, poop fell off the bench. Manners tried to pick poop up. Shut called the police.
When the police arrived, he asked shut up for his name "shut up" said shut up. Then the police said, " i asked you for your name!" Shut up!!"said shut up. Then the police said "where are your manners young man?!??" Then shut up said "picking up poop."
what did one bowl of cheese dip say to the bowl of cheese dip that was having bad luck?
It's na-cho day!
No Speaka de English?
A bus stops and 2 Irish men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation that seems to be English.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first. Den Oi come. Den two asses come together. Oi come once a more! Two asses, they come together again. Oi come again and pee twice. Then Oi come one lasta time."
The lady can't take this any more, "You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig," she retorted indignantly. "In this country. We don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives.
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin'abouta sex? Oi 'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell Mississippi."
10 bucks says you're gonna read this again!!!
An Irish fella had couple of goldfish. Pat says to him, "what you called em then?" " Oive called dem 1 and 2," said Murphy. " 1 AND 2 " asked Pat. "yes" says Murphy, "Cos if 1 dies, oive still got 2 left!"
You know you're not hot if you yell LOOK I'M NAKED! and people actually close their eyes and start whistling
so 3 guys walk into a bar haha get it
You better give a ten to ALSSYA SHE WORKED HARD FOR IT ,, I would star her but I cant ,,
Ok...here goes...try to hold it... :)
I'm like lightning with a hammer in my hand...I never strike twice in the same place.
The garbage truck was going by. I ran out and asked, "Am I too late for the garbage?" and they said, "No, hop in."
A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve mushrooms here." The mushroom replies, "Why not? I'm a FUNGI."
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says "What is this, a joke?"
24??
I have a joke that I think is hilarious but I'm afraid to say it because it might get reported for being racist.. but hell, here it is:
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What do you call 50,000 black people jumping out of a plane?
Night.
Joe's parents were cooking for Thanksgiving before his grandparents came over their house for Thanksgiving. Joe was walking by the kitchen where his mom was cutting the turkey and she accidently cut herself and said,"Fuckk" and Joe asked his mom," wat does fuckk mean?" and she told him that fuckk means a way for cutting the turkey. Joe went outside and heard his neighbors say,"Stick ur penis in my vagina!" and Joe went inside to ask his mom "wat r penis and vaginas" and she told him that it means hats and coats. Joe went upstairs and saw his dad shaving and he accidently cut himself and said, "Shitt!" and Joe asked," wat does shitt means?" and his dad answered,"Shitt is a type of shaving cream"
Suddenly the bell rang. Joe opened the door and saw his grandparents and aske"May I take ur penis and vaginas?, my dad is upstairs shaving shitt off his face and mom is in the kitchen fuckingg the turkey"