Comebacks? (10 points to the best 1)?!


Question: what are some really really great comebacks?


Answers: what are some really really great comebacks?

Hello!

You are wanting to avoid what the French exquisitely refer to as "L'esprit d'escalier," which means, "the wit of the staircase," which means, coming up with a comeback line when it's too late, i.e., you are walking on the stairs after a conversation/confrontation when the perfect comeback comes to you.

A great comeback must follow certain guidelines, such as timing, phrasing, and appropriateness. You can always practice coming up with your own and write them down - they will come to you! Just imagine certain conversations and play them out in your head.

Of course, the perfect comeback depends enormously on the particular situation, but here are some of my standards - just try not to repeat them too often!

1. Girl, you are dumber than a sack of hair.

2. I just wanted you to know that all that awful stuff I said about you... I meant every word of it.

3. [Said to a man:] If you were a man, I would divorce you.

4. Your opinion matters - I'm sure - to someone out there!

5. Do yourself a favor, honey, and cover all the mirrors in your house.

6. Your mother's so fat she can sit on a quarter and squeeze a booger out of George Washington's nose.

7. If I'd wanted your opinion I would have pulled down my pants. [or, ... I would have sat on your face.]

8. Hmm, I seem to recall seeing that one before - in a box of cat litter.

9. Do you know the way to San Jose? Have a good trip!

10. If I wanted something like you in my face I would have grown a zit.

11. Come here often?
[Response:] Leaving here soon?

12. You're so ugly that your Mom's always hanging around so she doesn't have to kiss you goodbye.

=

14. That's hilarious! Retarded, tired, stupid, lame, worthless, and pathetic - but hilarious!

15. I'll hit you so hard [that] I'll kill your whole family.

16. Beauty is skin deep, but ugly goes to the bone.

Frederic Kahler

Your mom.

haha, no, I know...

But it's a great standby.

Your so dumb you brought a cup to see the movie "Juice"

well if u mean yomama yo mamas like a bowlin ball gets picked up fingered thrown doon an alley an she comes bk 4 mre

Do that again I'll hit you so hard your dog will bruise.

Why don't you have a nice cup of shut the hell up?

Do I need to give you the back of my hand?

i know you are but what am i?! jk, but the best comebacks fit the situation perfectly,so you cant prepare.

i know you are but what am i


or


OOOhhhh yea? well at least mine are real!!!!

Are you possessed...by a Twat

Your mum told me about you... she said you'd say something about my mum today, at least I think she said that, her mouth was full at the time, and there were a few of us their.

ur mom!

or

ur face!!

how about a nice tall frothy glass of shut the f**k up
or
in any situation you can just say with some attitude "OH, Its on!"

"I'll knock your teeth so far down your throat, you're gonna need to put a toothbrush up your a** to clean them"

"You're more camp than a row of tents"

yo mamma so black when i shot her At night the bllet came bbackk lookin 4 a flash light

"Holy crap! That...thing!...What is it?! Oh, right, it's just the ugly! Come over here, I gotta slap that off your face!".


HAR HAR HAR.

I found these.
lmao
Man: “Haven’t we met before?”
Woman: “Maybe. I’m the receptionist at the VD Clinic.”



Man: “Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman: “Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.”



Man: “Is this seat empty?”
Woman: “Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.”



Man: “So, wanna go back to my place ?”
Woman: “Well, I don’t know. Will two people fit under a rock?”



Man: “Your place or mine?”
Woman: “Both. You go to yours and I’ll go to mine.”



Man: “I’d like to call you. What’s your number?”
Woman: “It’s in the phone book.”
Man: “But I don’t know your name.”
Woman: “That’s in the phone book too.”



Man: “So what do you do for a living?”
Woman: “I’m a female impersonator.”



Man: “Hey, baby, what’s your sign?”
Woman: “Do not Enter”



Man: “How do you like your eggs in the morning?”
Woman: “Unfertilized !”



Man: “Hey, come on, we’re both here at this bar for the same reason”
Woman: “Yeah! Let’s pick up some chicks!”


Man: “I know how to please a woman.”
Woman: “Then please leave me alone.”



Man: “I want to give myself to you.”
Woman: “Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts.”



Man: “If I could see you naked, I’d die happy:
Woman: “Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I’d probably die laughing”.



Man: “Your body is like a temple.”
Woman: “Sorry, there are no services today.”



Man: “I’d go through anything for you.”
Woman: “Good! Let’s start with your bank account. Then the door.”



Man: “I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: “Yes, but would you stay there?



It’s a good thing I have my library card, because I’m checking you out.
Oh, sorry, I’m reserved for someone else.



This may be the all time most memorable response to a pick up line. From Erin Brockovich, starring Julia Roberts. Remember this scene?



George: Can I get your number?
Erin Brockovich: My number? Which one do you want?
George: How many numbers you got?
Erin Brockovich: Oh, I got numbers comin’ outta my ears. For instance: ten.
George: Ten?
Erin Brockovich: Yeah. That’s how many months old my baby girl is.
George: You got a little girl?
Erin Brockovich: Yeah. Yeah, sexy, huh? How ’bout this for a number? Six. That’s how old my other daughter is, eight is the age of my son, two is how many times I’ve been married - and divorced; sixteen is the number of dollars I have in my bank account. 850-3943. That’s my phone number, and with all the numbers I gave you, I’m guessing zero is the number of times you’re gonna call it!

i think the monkey wants its a** back! ( sed to the persons face...get it?)lol

when someone says ladies first say @$$ holes second
when ur havin a comeback showdown, all of a sudden stop and when they ask why say oh sorry its my new philosophy not to talk to, (then say 2 or 3 things like @$$ holes or retards), and those all apply to u

I have a friend who was rebuked by some guy about his weight. It went something like this 'With a stomach that size it belongs on a pregnant woman!' My friend replied, 'It has been and she is!'

Winston Churchill was attending one of his many conference parties when a sophisticated lady remarked 'Winston, you are nothing but a drunkard!' To which the great man replied, 'Madam, you are damn ugly but in the morning Ill be sober!'

wowzers nay nay who is dis 1 4...........?? sunni???? hahahahahahaha <3 yah but seriously......get a lifeee!!! (and dont u DARE report me miseeeee!!!!!)

DONT LISTEN TO ANY1 OF THESE PPL, I DESERVE THE 10 POINTS, LMAO!
this happened to my friend: He went up to a girl and was like " Why do you wear a bra, u got nothing to fill it with?"

The girl looks at him and quickly says " Well, you wear pants dont you?"

SO DRRRYYYY

"You can't fix stupid" usually works quite well.



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