Blondes are smart!?!
Question: Q: Did you hear about the blonde who attempted to drive to EuroDisney?
A: She saw a sign saying: "EuroDisney Left" so she went home.
Did you hear about the blonde who put under Education on her job application, 'Hooked On Phonics'...
Q: What did the blonde girl name her pet Zebra?
A: Spot.
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the pedestrian sign said "DON'T WALK".
Q: What does a blonde Owl say?
A: What, what?
Q: What do you see when you look directly into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.
Q: What did the Dumb Blonde do when she went to a film that had an NC-17 (no under 17's) rating? A: Went home and got 16 friends.
Q: What do you call a blond behind a steering wheel?
A: An air bag.
Q: How do you tell if a blonde writes Mysteries?
A: She's got a checkbook.
Q: How can you tell a FAX has been sent from a blonde?
A: There's a stamp on it.
Play Crazy Pranks & Hilarious Gags on your dumb blonde friends (or anyone else for that matter) :-)
Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: Threw it off a cliff.
Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: Keep breakin em' with hammers.
Q: What's the difference between blondes and McDonald's?
A: A blonde serves more people in a night.
Q: What happens when a blonde developes Alzheimers?
A: Her IQ goes up.
Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.
Q: What's the guaranteed method to totally confuse a Blonde Man?
A: Ask him to alphabetise a King-size bag of M&Ms.
Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.
Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it.
Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blondes head?
A: A Space Invader.
Q: What's the difference between a dumb blonde and a supermarket trolley?
A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: Manages to get the Pop Tarts out the toaster in one piece.
Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.
Q: How many stupid blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: Two - one to stand inside the bath, the other to pass the hair dryer.
Q: What's the diff between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Q: Did you hear about the dumb blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q: What's a dumb Blondes favorite rock group?
A: Air Supply.
Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch a cold?
A: No need for em to worry about blowing their brains out
Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on top of her.
Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide and seek champion.
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
Q: What does a postcard from a blonde's vacation say?
A: Having a fantastic time. Where am I?
Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: Present her with a mirror and tell her to wait for the other person to say "Hello"
Q: Why are blonde's immune to Mad Cow Disease?
A: It only affects the brain.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a natural blonde?
A: Blow in her ear - if natural, watch as she floats...
Q: What do you call blonde twins doing bubble gum commercials?
A: Double-dumb.
Q: Where do you look for blonde's obituaries?
A: Under "Home Improvements."
Q: Why did the blonde go to the rehab center?
A: Because she thought she was hooked on phonics.
Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?
A: 30 mins of begging.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A: It's quite difficult opening the legs of an Ironing Board.
Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
A: An air mattress.
Q: What would you do if a Blond threw a hand grenade right at you?
A: You'd pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
A: Lipstick.
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Mercedes?
A: You don't lend the Merc out to your friend.
Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
A: Sooner or later they'll both end up in the gutter.
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: She didn't want to waken the sleeping pills.
Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.
Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night.
Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) Well...Like, I dunno!
Q: What's the difference between a smart blonde and the Yeti?
A: Yeti has been spotted.
Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.
Q: What did they name the offspring of a blonde and a Puerto Rican?
A: Retardo.
Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
It's with great sadness that I tell you my blonde girlfriend burned her nose last night....she was bobbing for french fries...
1. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A: A Rooster says in the Morning - "Cockll-doodlle-doooooo", while a blonde shouts, "Any-****'ll-doooo."
2. Q: What is the best secretary in the world to have?
A: The one that never misses a period.
3. Q: What do blondes say after sex?
A: "Thanks, guys!".
4.Q: What's the difference between a blonde and The Titanic?
A: They know how many men went down on The Titanic.
5. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Atlantic Coast?
A: There's fewer crabs in the Atlantic.
6. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York?
A: The Duke only 'had' Ten Thousand men.
7. Q: How does a horny guy spell relief?
A: B-L-O-N-D-E.
9. Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.
10. Q: What do a Boeing 747 and a blonde have in common?
A: Both contain a cockpit
12. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a blow-up Doll?
A: Around 2 cans of hair spray.
13. Q: Why is a blonde like a stamp?
A: Both get licked, then stuck, and finally sent on their way.
14. Q: Why is a blonde like railway tracks?
A: Cos she's been laid all over the country.
16. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been playing with your Computer?
A: Your joy stick will be soaking wet.
17. Q: Why do saunas remind some people of blondes?
A: Cos both are steamy and wet on entry, and hey, they don't mind if you bring friends.
18.Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She scorched her lips on the exhaust pipe.
19. Q: What's the difference between a Mosquito and a blonde?
A: On slapping a Mosquito, it will stop sucking.
21. Q: How would a blond interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.
23. Q: What's a blondes favorite Nursery Rhyme?
A: HumpMe DumpMe.
25. Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Cuz everyone gets a turn.
28. Q: In a Blonde's mind what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.
29. Q: Why does a blonde have an IQ 1 point higher than a Coppers Horse?
A: So she won't sh*t on the street during a rally.
33. Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.
34. Q: Did you hear the one about the blonde lesbian?
A: Well, she kept having affairs with men.
35. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and most men?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.
37. Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.
38. Q: When visiting Scotland, what is a Blonde's favorite destination?
A: Silicon Glen
39. Q: What do you call 2 nuns and a blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
40. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.
41. Q: What would a blonde use for protection during sex?
A: A bus shelter.
43. Q: Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
A: From dating blonde men.
44. Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A: They both drip when they're fucked.
45. Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A: Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!?
46. Q: Why does a blond have T.G.I.F. on the front of her shirt?
A: **** Go In Front.
47. Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead.
48. Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.
51. Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
A: They've both swallowed a lot of seamen.
52. Q: Why don't blondes talk when having sex?
A: Their Mommies told em never to speak to strangers.
53. Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week!
54. Q: What do a 250cc Scooter and a blonde have in common?
A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one
55. Q: What's the difference between a blonde on her back and a turtle on it's back?
A: Absolutely Nothing - both are totally screwed!
58. Q: How do you get a blonde off of her knees?
A: Come.
60. Q: What do a blonde and an instant win lottery ticket have in common?
A: Simply scratch the box to win.
61. Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.
62. It's important to realise that Blondes can't go water-skiing - when their crotch gets wet they think they gotta lay down...
63. It's even more important to realise the big difference between blondes and bitches - a blonde will screw anyone, whilst a ***** will screw anyone but you...
64. It's worth remembering why blondes can't count to 70 - it's cos 69 is already a bit of a mouthful...
65. Q: Did you hear about the blonde with a PHd in Psychology?
A: She'll blow your mind, too.
66. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limo?
A: Well, not everybody's went to town in a limo!
67. Q: Have you heard about the blonde virgin?
A: She hangs out with the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus
68. Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets.
69. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who had 2 chances to get pregnant?
A: She blew it both times.
70. Q: What did the blondes left leg say to her right?
A: As if they've ever met!
71. Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
A: A know-it-all *****.
72. Q: What do blonde's do after they comb their hair?
A: They pull up their pants.
73. Q: What do blonde's do with their Assholes in the morning?
A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.
74. Q: What's the link between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A: Both get screwed on the front of a Ford Fiesta.
6. Q: What nickname is most used by blonde's in order to boost their popularity?
A: B.J.
77. Q: What is blonde, brunette, blond, brunette ...?
A: A blonde doing cartwheels.
78. Q: How do you know when a blonde's been in your refridgerator?
A: There's lipstick on your cucumbers/courgette/zuchini.
79. Q: What's a 68 to a blonde?
A: It's where she goes down on you and you owe her one.
80. Q: What's the white stuff you find in a blonde's panties?
A: Clitty litter.
81. Q: Why is it that Blonde's always get confused in the Ladies rest room?
A: Well, it's cost they gotta pull their own pants down...
82. Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
A: Because their balls would show.
83. Q: What do you call a blonde with an I.Q of 100?
A: A foursome.
85. Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A: There's a fold-up bed in the Stock room and permanent smiles on the Bosses' faces.
86. Q: What is a bellybutton for?
A: It gives a blonde a place to park her gum on the way down.
89. Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?
A: She found out Big Ben is only a clock.
90. Q: Why did the blonde guy put ice in his condom?
A: To keep the swelling down.
91. Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the sperm bank?
A: Her employer found that she was embezzling.
92. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.
94. Q: What do you call a blonde with pigtails?
A: A ******** with handlebars.
95. Q: What did the blonde say during a xxx flick?
A: "Hey fellas, Look! There I am!"
96. Q: How does a blond prepare for safe sex?
A: She puts on rubber based lipstick.
98. Q: What does XXX stand for?
A: Blondes co-signing a note.
99. Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Finland, turn around and come back home?
A: It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a tv set.
100. Q: What's the difference between a Blonde and a bowling ball?
A: You can only get three of your fingers inside a bowling ball.
101. Q: What do blondes eat to increase their breast size?
A: Silicone chips.
She was so blonde that...
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She managed to trip over my cordless phone.
On the bottom of the job application where it said 'Sign Here' she wrote 'Aquarias'.
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She told me to meet her on the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk".
She tried to place a bag of M&M's in alphabetical order.
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
She took a ruler to bed so she could see how long she slept.
When she got an AM radio, it took her 10 month to figure out she could use it at night.
She spent 25 minutes staring at the Orange juice box cos it said - "concentrate"
She got stabbed in a Shoot out.
She used to sit on the tv so she could watch the couch
When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved.
She thinks Eartha Kitt is a set of gardening tools.
When she saw the sign for YMCA she said: "LOOK, they've spelled MACY's wrong!!!"
She stood staring at the frozen orange juice because it said "Concentrate".
She put lippie on her forehead cos her boyfriend told her to make up her mind.
She tried to drown a fish.
If you offered her a Penny for her thoughts, you'd get change.
She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
She took a Spoon to the Super Bowl.
It takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
She asked for a Price-check at the 'Everythings a Pound' store.
They had to burn her school down to get her outta 4th grade.
She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
When I was drowning in a lake and screaming out for a life saver she asked: "Grape or Cherry?"
She thought Meow Mix was a record for Cats.
She thought that Taco Bell was a Mexican phone company.
She tried to drown a fish.
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 2. 1 to hold the Diet Irn-Bru and the other to call on 'Daddddyyy'
Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.
Q: What did the blonde do when she heard on the news that over 90% of accidents occur at the home?
A: She moved.
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of Sixty?
A: A blonde parade.
Q: Why did the blonde call the job centre?
A: She wanted to find out how to cook food stamps.
Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in 6 or 12 pieces.
A: "Oh, only Six I think - I'd never manage to eat all 12 pieces."
Q: What do you call a Smart blonde?
A: A Golden Retriever.
Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-Air.
Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Cos sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: Both are completely empty from the neck up.
Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why are blondes hurt by people's words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Q: How do you drive a blonde Insane?
A: Hide her Hair Dryer.
Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: alone.
Q: How do you know a blonde has robbed your house?
A: You notice the microwave is gone, but a note is there in it's place saying: "Thanks for the TV"
Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
Q: How do you get a blonde to stay in the shower all day?
A: Lend her your bottle of Shampoo that says "lather, rinse, repeat".
Q: What do you call a blonde on a University Campus?
A: A visitor.
A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet."
So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."
The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"
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This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all the blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and detects the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.
He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK.
She replies, "Yes."
He asks what she is doing.
She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has on a ski jacket and a fur coat.
She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, "For best results, put on two coats."
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Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.
The first blonde said, "Those are deer tracks."
The second blonde said, "No, those are elk tracks."
The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."
The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.
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Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The blond with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."
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How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?
Scroll Down. --->
<----- Scroll Up.
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A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"
She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."
"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."
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As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system.
"Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep."
From the cabin, a blonde passenger was heard to exclaim, "Wow! It just missed the highway!"
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I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb...and I also know that I'm not blonde. - Dolly Parton
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A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders she would need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
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Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."
"We don't have any," replied the first blonde.
"Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses," said the Game Warden.
"But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."
The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden. "Take all the debris you want." And with that, he left.
As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two. "Doesn't he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?"
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A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."
He asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."
He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then....." he sighed, "we'll put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."
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ICE FISHING
A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing.
For weeks she read and studied, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough and out she went for her first ice fishing trip. She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special place in her kit.
When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed her padded stool and carefully laid out her tools.
Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!"
Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved further along the ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new hole.
Again the voice from above bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!"
Amazed, the blonde was not quite sure what to do as this certainly was not covered in any of her books. She packed up her gear and moved to the far side of the ice. Once there, she stopped for a few moments to regain her calm. Then she was extremely careful to set everything up perfectly--tools in the right place, chair positioned just so. Just as she was about to cut this new hole, the voice came again.
"There are no fish under the ice!!"
Petrified, the blonde looked skyward and asked, "Is that You, Lord?"
The voice boomed back, "NO THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE SKATING RINK!"
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This one qualifies as a hilarious blonde joke! It is the best.
A blonde was driving home after work and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to the repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.
Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
Her roommate rolled her eyes and said... "HEL-LOOOOOOOO ...You gotta roll up the windows!!!
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A group of blondes were willing to prove that not all blondes were dumb. They established a judges panel of people to ask the questions.
On the day of the judging the people started off by asking, "What is 59 + 2?"
The first blonde contestant responded by saying, "57?"
The rest of the blondes said, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"
Then they asked, "What is 15 - 5?"
The blonde responded, "20, right?"
Once again the rest of the contestants screamed, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"
The judges decided to go easier on her and asked, "What is 1 + 2?"
"3?" said the blonde.
The rest of the blondes said, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"
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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are running from the cops. They hide on a potato farm. They crawl into some potato bags. The first cop pokes the bag with the brunette in it. She says, "Meow." The cop confirms that it is just a cat. The second cop pokes the bag with the redhead in it. She says, "Woof." The cop says that it is just a dog. The third cop pokes the bag with the blonde in it. She say in her sweetest voice, "Potato."
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There is a brunette and a blonde hanging over the edge of a cliff off a piece of rope. They realize that the rope will break if one of them doesn't let go and they will both fall to their deaths. The brunette starts this big heartwarming speech about how she is going to sacrifice herself. At the end of the speech the blonde starts clapping.
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A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap. Politely she declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."
Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.
"Okay," says the lawyer," your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.00.
The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
Answers: Q: Did you hear about the blonde who attempted to drive to EuroDisney?
A: She saw a sign saying: "EuroDisney Left" so she went home.
Did you hear about the blonde who put under Education on her job application, 'Hooked On Phonics'...
Q: What did the blonde girl name her pet Zebra?
A: Spot.
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the pedestrian sign said "DON'T WALK".
Q: What does a blonde Owl say?
A: What, what?
Q: What do you see when you look directly into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.
Q: What did the Dumb Blonde do when she went to a film that had an NC-17 (no under 17's) rating? A: Went home and got 16 friends.
Q: What do you call a blond behind a steering wheel?
A: An air bag.
Q: How do you tell if a blonde writes Mysteries?
A: She's got a checkbook.
Q: How can you tell a FAX has been sent from a blonde?
A: There's a stamp on it.
Play Crazy Pranks & Hilarious Gags on your dumb blonde friends (or anyone else for that matter) :-)
Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: Threw it off a cliff.
Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs?
A: Keep breakin em' with hammers.
Q: What's the difference between blondes and McDonald's?
A: A blonde serves more people in a night.
Q: What happens when a blonde developes Alzheimers?
A: Her IQ goes up.
Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.
Q: What's the guaranteed method to totally confuse a Blonde Man?
A: Ask him to alphabetise a King-size bag of M&Ms.
Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.
Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it.
Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blondes head?
A: A Space Invader.
Q: What's the difference between a dumb blonde and a supermarket trolley?
A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: Manages to get the Pop Tarts out the toaster in one piece.
Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.
Q: How many stupid blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: Two - one to stand inside the bath, the other to pass the hair dryer.
Q: What's the diff between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Q: Did you hear about the dumb blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q: What's a dumb Blondes favorite rock group?
A: Air Supply.
Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch a cold?
A: No need for em to worry about blowing their brains out
Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on top of her.
Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide and seek champion.
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.
Q: What does a postcard from a blonde's vacation say?
A: Having a fantastic time. Where am I?
Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: Present her with a mirror and tell her to wait for the other person to say "Hello"
Q: Why are blonde's immune to Mad Cow Disease?
A: It only affects the brain.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a natural blonde?
A: Blow in her ear - if natural, watch as she floats...
Q: What do you call blonde twins doing bubble gum commercials?
A: Double-dumb.
Q: Where do you look for blonde's obituaries?
A: Under "Home Improvements."
Q: Why did the blonde go to the rehab center?
A: Because she thought she was hooked on phonics.
Q: What is foreplay for a blonde?
A: 30 mins of begging.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
A: It's quite difficult opening the legs of an Ironing Board.
Q: What do you call 4 blondes lying on the ground?
A: An air mattress.
Q: What would you do if a Blond threw a hand grenade right at you?
A: You'd pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
Q: What's the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
A: Lipstick.
Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Mercedes?
A: You don't lend the Merc out to your friend.
Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
A: Sooner or later they'll both end up in the gutter.
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: She didn't want to waken the sleeping pills.
Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag?
A: One.
Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday mornings?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night.
Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
A: Wave to her.
Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) Well...Like, I dunno!
Q: What's the difference between a smart blonde and the Yeti?
A: Yeti has been spotted.
Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.
Q: What did they name the offspring of a blonde and a Puerto Rican?
A: Retardo.
Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
It's with great sadness that I tell you my blonde girlfriend burned her nose last night....she was bobbing for french fries...
1. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A: A Rooster says in the Morning - "Cockll-doodlle-doooooo", while a blonde shouts, "Any-****'ll-doooo."
2. Q: What is the best secretary in the world to have?
A: The one that never misses a period.
3. Q: What do blondes say after sex?
A: "Thanks, guys!".
4.Q: What's the difference between a blonde and The Titanic?
A: They know how many men went down on The Titanic.
5. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Atlantic Coast?
A: There's fewer crabs in the Atlantic.
6. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Grand Old Duke of York?
A: The Duke only 'had' Ten Thousand men.
7. Q: How does a horny guy spell relief?
A: B-L-O-N-D-E.
9. Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.
10. Q: What do a Boeing 747 and a blonde have in common?
A: Both contain a cockpit
12. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a blow-up Doll?
A: Around 2 cans of hair spray.
13. Q: Why is a blonde like a stamp?
A: Both get licked, then stuck, and finally sent on their way.
14. Q: Why is a blonde like railway tracks?
A: Cos she's been laid all over the country.
16. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been playing with your Computer?
A: Your joy stick will be soaking wet.
17. Q: Why do saunas remind some people of blondes?
A: Cos both are steamy and wet on entry, and hey, they don't mind if you bring friends.
18.Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
A: She scorched her lips on the exhaust pipe.
19. Q: What's the difference between a Mosquito and a blonde?
A: On slapping a Mosquito, it will stop sucking.
21. Q: How would a blond interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.
23. Q: What's a blondes favorite Nursery Rhyme?
A: HumpMe DumpMe.
25. Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Cuz everyone gets a turn.
28. Q: In a Blonde's mind what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.
29. Q: Why does a blonde have an IQ 1 point higher than a Coppers Horse?
A: So she won't sh*t on the street during a rally.
33. Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.
34. Q: Did you hear the one about the blonde lesbian?
A: Well, she kept having affairs with men.
35. Q: What is the difference between a blonde and most men?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.
37. Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.
38. Q: When visiting Scotland, what is a Blonde's favorite destination?
A: Silicon Glen
39. Q: What do you call 2 nuns and a blonde?
A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
40. Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.
41. Q: What would a blonde use for protection during sex?
A: A bus shelter.
43. Q: Why do blondes have big bellybuttons?
A: From dating blonde men.
44. Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A: They both drip when they're fucked.
45. Q: Why did the blonde cross the road?
A: Forget the road, what was she doing out of the bedroom!?
46. Q: Why does a blond have T.G.I.F. on the front of her shirt?
A: **** Go In Front.
47. Q: How can you tell who is a blonde's boyfriend?
A: He's the one with the belt buckle the matches the impression in her forehead.
48. Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.
51. Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common?
A: They've both swallowed a lot of seamen.
52. Q: Why don't blondes talk when having sex?
A: Their Mommies told em never to speak to strangers.
53. Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week!
54. Q: What do a 250cc Scooter and a blonde have in common?
A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one
55. Q: What's the difference between a blonde on her back and a turtle on it's back?
A: Absolutely Nothing - both are totally screwed!
58. Q: How do you get a blonde off of her knees?
A: Come.
60. Q: What do a blonde and an instant win lottery ticket have in common?
A: Simply scratch the box to win.
61. Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.
62. It's important to realise that Blondes can't go water-skiing - when their crotch gets wet they think they gotta lay down...
63. It's even more important to realise the big difference between blondes and bitches - a blonde will screw anyone, whilst a ***** will screw anyone but you...
64. It's worth remembering why blondes can't count to 70 - it's cos 69 is already a bit of a mouthful...
65. Q: Did you hear about the blonde with a PHd in Psychology?
A: She'll blow your mind, too.
66. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limo?
A: Well, not everybody's went to town in a limo!
67. Q: Have you heard about the blonde virgin?
A: She hangs out with the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus
68. Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets.
69. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who had 2 chances to get pregnant?
A: She blew it both times.
70. Q: What did the blondes left leg say to her right?
A: As if they've ever met!
71. Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
A: A know-it-all *****.
72. Q: What do blonde's do after they comb their hair?
A: They pull up their pants.
73. Q: What do blonde's do with their Assholes in the morning?
A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.
74. Q: What's the link between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
A: Both get screwed on the front of a Ford Fiesta.
6. Q: What nickname is most used by blonde's in order to boost their popularity?
A: B.J.
77. Q: What is blonde, brunette, blond, brunette ...?
A: A blonde doing cartwheels.
78. Q: How do you know when a blonde's been in your refridgerator?
A: There's lipstick on your cucumbers/courgette/zuchini.
79. Q: What's a 68 to a blonde?
A: It's where she goes down on you and you owe her one.
80. Q: What's the white stuff you find in a blonde's panties?
A: Clitty litter.
81. Q: Why is it that Blonde's always get confused in the Ladies rest room?
A: Well, it's cost they gotta pull their own pants down...
82. Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
A: Because their balls would show.
83. Q: What do you call a blonde with an I.Q of 100?
A: A foursome.
85. Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A: There's a fold-up bed in the Stock room and permanent smiles on the Bosses' faces.
86. Q: What is a bellybutton for?
A: It gives a blonde a place to park her gum on the way down.
89. Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?
A: She found out Big Ben is only a clock.
90. Q: Why did the blonde guy put ice in his condom?
A: To keep the swelling down.
91. Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the sperm bank?
A: Her employer found that she was embezzling.
92. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.
94. Q: What do you call a blonde with pigtails?
A: A ******** with handlebars.
95. Q: What did the blonde say during a xxx flick?
A: "Hey fellas, Look! There I am!"
96. Q: How does a blond prepare for safe sex?
A: She puts on rubber based lipstick.
98. Q: What does XXX stand for?
A: Blondes co-signing a note.
99. Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Finland, turn around and come back home?
A: It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a tv set.
100. Q: What's the difference between a Blonde and a bowling ball?
A: You can only get three of your fingers inside a bowling ball.
101. Q: What do blondes eat to increase their breast size?
A: Silicone chips.
She was so blonde that...
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She managed to trip over my cordless phone.
On the bottom of the job application where it said 'Sign Here' she wrote 'Aquarias'.
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She told me to meet her on the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk".
She tried to place a bag of M&M's in alphabetical order.
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
She took a ruler to bed so she could see how long she slept.
When she got an AM radio, it took her 10 month to figure out she could use it at night.
She spent 25 minutes staring at the Orange juice box cos it said - "concentrate"
She got stabbed in a Shoot out.
She used to sit on the tv so she could watch the couch
When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved.
She thinks Eartha Kitt is a set of gardening tools.
When she saw the sign for YMCA she said: "LOOK, they've spelled MACY's wrong!!!"
She stood staring at the frozen orange juice because it said "Concentrate".
She put lippie on her forehead cos her boyfriend told her to make up her mind.
She tried to drown a fish.
If you offered her a Penny for her thoughts, you'd get change.
She got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
She took a Spoon to the Super Bowl.
It takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
She asked for a Price-check at the 'Everythings a Pound' store.
They had to burn her school down to get her outta 4th grade.
She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center.
When I was drowning in a lake and screaming out for a life saver she asked: "Grape or Cherry?"
She thought Meow Mix was a record for Cats.
She thought that Taco Bell was a Mexican phone company.
She tried to drown a fish.
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 2. 1 to hold the Diet Irn-Bru and the other to call on 'Daddddyyy'
Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.
Q: What did the blonde do when she heard on the news that over 90% of accidents occur at the home?
A: She moved.
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of Sixty?
A: A blonde parade.
Q: Why did the blonde call the job centre?
A: She wanted to find out how to cook food stamps.
Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in 6 or 12 pieces.
A: "Oh, only Six I think - I'd never manage to eat all 12 pieces."
Q: What do you call a Smart blonde?
A: A Golden Retriever.
Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-Air.
Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Cos sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: Both are completely empty from the neck up.
Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why are blondes hurt by people's words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
Q: How do you drive a blonde Insane?
A: Hide her Hair Dryer.
Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: alone.
Q: How do you know a blonde has robbed your house?
A: You notice the microwave is gone, but a note is there in it's place saying: "Thanks for the TV"
Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
Q: How do you get a blonde to stay in the shower all day?
A: Lend her your bottle of Shampoo that says "lather, rinse, repeat".
Q: What do you call a blonde on a University Campus?
A: A visitor.
A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet."
So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."
The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"
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This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all the blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and detects the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat.
He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK.
She replies, "Yes."
He asks what she is doing.
She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has on a ski jacket and a fur coat.
She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said, "For best results, put on two coats."
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Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.
The first blonde said, "Those are deer tracks."
The second blonde said, "No, those are elk tracks."
The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."
The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.
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Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The blond with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."
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How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?
Scroll Down. --->
<----- Scroll Up.
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A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"
She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."
"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."
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As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system.
"Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep."
From the cabin, a blonde passenger was heard to exclaim, "Wow! It just missed the highway!"
--------------------------------------...
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb...and I also know that I'm not blonde. - Dolly Parton
--------------------------------------...
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders she would need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
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Three blondes are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses."
"We don't have any," replied the first blonde.
"Well, if you're going to fish, you need fishing licenses," said the Game Warden.
"But officer," replied the second blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have magnets at the end of our lines and we're collecting debris off the bottom of the river."
The Game Warden lifted up all the lines and, sure enough, there were horseshoe magnets tied on the end of each line. "Well, I know of no law against it," said the Game Warden. "Take all the debris you want." And with that, he left.
As soon as the Game Warden was out of sight, the three blondes started laughing hysterically. "What a dumb Fish Cop," the second blonde said to the other two. "Doesn't he know that there are steelhead trout in this river?"
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A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."
He asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."
He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then....." he sighed, "we'll put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."
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ICE FISHING
A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing.
For weeks she read and studied, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough and out she went for her first ice fishing trip. She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special place in her kit.
When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed her padded stool and carefully laid out her tools.
Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!"
Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved further along the ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new hole.
Again the voice from above bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!!"
Amazed, the blonde was not quite sure what to do as this certainly was not covered in any of her books. She packed up her gear and moved to the far side of the ice. Once there, she stopped for a few moments to regain her calm. Then she was extremely careful to set everything up perfectly--tools in the right place, chair positioned just so. Just as she was about to cut this new hole, the voice came again.
"There are no fish under the ice!!"
Petrified, the blonde looked skyward and asked, "Is that You, Lord?"
The voice boomed back, "NO THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE SKATING RINK!"
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This one qualifies as a hilarious blonde joke! It is the best.
A blonde was driving home after work and got caught in a really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to the repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her just to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe. Nothing happened. She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.
Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said, "What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the tailpipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
Her roommate rolled her eyes and said... "HEL-LOOOOOOOO ...You gotta roll up the windows!!!
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A group of blondes were willing to prove that not all blondes were dumb. They established a judges panel of people to ask the questions.
On the day of the judging the people started off by asking, "What is 59 + 2?"
The first blonde contestant responded by saying, "57?"
The rest of the blondes said, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"
Then they asked, "What is 15 - 5?"
The blonde responded, "20, right?"
Once again the rest of the contestants screamed, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"
The judges decided to go easier on her and asked, "What is 1 + 2?"
"3?" said the blonde.
The rest of the blondes said, "Give her another chance, give her another chance!"
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A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are running from the cops. They hide on a potato farm. They crawl into some potato bags. The first cop pokes the bag with the brunette in it. She says, "Meow." The cop confirms that it is just a cat. The second cop pokes the bag with the redhead in it. She says, "Woof." The cop says that it is just a dog. The third cop pokes the bag with the blonde in it. She say in her sweetest voice, "Potato."
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There is a brunette and a blonde hanging over the edge of a cliff off a piece of rope. They realize that the rope will break if one of them doesn't let go and they will both fall to their deaths. The brunette starts this big heartwarming speech about how she is going to sacrifice herself. At the end of the speech the blonde starts clapping.
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A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap. Politely she declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."
Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer.
"Okay," says the lawyer," your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.00.
The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
LMAO!!! I READ THEM ALL HAHAHAHAHAHAHA FUNNY :)
yeah, right, like anyone will read all that.
MY GOSH
cop on !ever heard of over kill?
Read the first four.
Scrolled down a little...*gasps*...yea...ummmm...im not reading all those
Blonde jokes are funny. Just not THAT funny
this is amazing to see
The only thing I want to know is how you fit all that information in one detail!!!
you have no life
I read a lot of em/// looked at the scroll bar, and decided to pass...
I think i got to Space Invader....
i only got to the what does a blondes vacation postcard say:
where am i. AND I WAS ONLY 1/8 DONE!!
Wow, I got to the like the 3rd joke and got bored. Waaay to many, I'm not reading all of them!
I read the first few paragraphs but couldn't be bothered to read it all. Not bad though.
thats just annoying. dont post em so long next time, not even half that. you dont have any friends do you.....